Just As Though You Were Here

So.....

Every so often, its important to take a step back and take a deep breath to tap into that reserve of inner strength we all possess and rededicate ourselves to this mission thats in front of us.

Thats where I am right now.

Ready to push myself just a little bit harder, ready to double down and get serious about my goals.

Because I tend to sing, dance and joke so much in this space, its probably difficult for you to tell just how serious I am about this march toward fitness this surge toward a better life. I kid around with you because… well because thats what I do but these are my aspirations and objectives:

I will never again let myself be defined by my greatest weakness.

I will be smarter than I look and stronger than you think I am.

I will strive to eat foods that are more local and healthy, less processed and chemical-filled.

I will never again sell myself short.

I will be honest with you in this space, but more important… I will be honest with myself in every other space I occupy.

I will work out with zeal and zest, I will exercise with purpose and passion.

One day in the future, the only time I will shop in the Big & Tall section will be when Im getting something for the kid from the wrong side of the tracks who goes to the same private school as my kids and is really good at football and might one day play at Ole Miss.

I will do more tomorrow than I did today.

I will have bad days here and there, but I can assure you that the good ones the ones where I eat on plan where I fight the good fight where I keep my mind on my mission and my mission on my mind... those days will far outnumber the bad ones.

I will not falter and I will not fail.

This is my life and I plan on living it to the fullest.

Borderline

So....


Okay..so yesterday...
it was all about food and triggers for me ....I thought about it a good bit...
For a long time I assumed I ate at times because that is how I handled my emotions.
I didnt go any deeper than that.
And for some people that is as deep as it goes. Food is their drug of choice.
Someone a good bit smarter than me once said
"The fat was an unfortunate by product of my food addiction"
I am paraphrasing here. The fat wasnt or isnt doing anything for people except causing folks pain.
Which is bad enough.
There are a lot of obese people for whom this post does not apply..
I am only addressing it here because it absolutely DOES apply to me and maybe a few others I know of.
But what if your fat...is not just an unfortunate byproduct....TRICKY huh!
You dont generally find this out till about mid way through your weight loss struggles.It will present itself in stealthy ways.
Say..a certain number.
If there is a certain number that you approach and then Boom you bloe it
EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.
red flag.
Your subconscious mind is sabatoging you...dollars to donuts.
200 is a number I often see in relation to this phenomenon.
Or for some it could be 250 or 300...That number means something to you.
What?
That is a question only you can answer..
But here is the thing.
Sometimes it isnt a number.Sometimes its a happening.
This is the reason that for a long time...I couldnt pinpoint my trigger.It happened at all different weights.
Yes some of it was diet fatigue.
Some of it was wanting to eat and being hungry.

I tried to laugh it off.I fought through it.

You may not know the magnitude until you pull the food away.
This can make people not even try.
They fear trying because then they will have to pull this crap out and deal with it.
And when it comes right down to it.I don't think they fear the deprivation of limiting calories.
I think we all fear the knowledge of why we were using food in the first place...
and having that knowledge...then having to fix the crap thats wrong.

That can be life altering.
That can be very scary.
Obese people aren't stupid.

Your life isnt structured the way it is out of laziness.
There are reasons that are very logical.
The question is do you want change enough to upend your whole life to achieve it.
The pain of staying the same becomes worse than the pain of becoming who it is you know you are capable of being.
It may mean losing something...or someone.
It may mean that nearly everything other people love about you is a lie.
I am here to say irregardless of the pain it may cause you or others...It is worth it.
Its better living truthfully.
It is better knowing yourself.
It is better fixing the ugly parts.
Airing them out.
Kicking them in the @ss...and finally living a whole life.
I know because I am doing it.
And so can you.
It HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WILL POWER.
It is making the choice to change and accepting whatever consequences those choices bring.
It is worth it...and so are you.

Open Your Heart

So....

I am willing to change
I am loving and lovable and I find love everywhere
I am one with the power that created me and this power has given me the power to create my own circumstances
I listen with love to my bodies messages


Goodnight ...

Time Well Wasted

"...The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith."
President Franklin D Roosevelt... From his last speech that he never gave on April 12,1945.

So....
After being gone and out of pocket for the past three weeks I am back with good news to report. Easter Sunday food...food and beverages on my recent trek to Western North Carolina and a little bit of emotional eating thrown in there I am happy to report that I did not gain a pound !! Did not lose either but thats Fantastic to me ...so the numbers

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss/Gain - 0.0 lb

Total Lost - 60.5 lbs

Todays Weight 320.5 lbs

Tick tock, tick tock.

Do you feel the rush of time slipping by like I do? I felt it more acutely when I was at my heaviest(60+ pounds ago and still at it ) but even now I heardrums of the calendar and sometimes I feel incredibly cheated by the waste of all those lost days.

Thats exactly how I feel now....that days and weeks and months (and lets faceit… years) spent wrapped up in that uncomfortable and unfashionable suit of being overweight was time that I squandered and have no way of getting back.

I mourn those spring days when I couldnt run around and enjoy the breezy springtime... pity those once in a lifetime moments with my family and friends where I sat on the side and watched good times being enjoyed and rethink all those times I let my weight make me feel like less of a person than I was. I deeply regret that I felt defined by my greatest weakness.

Im thirty six(almost)now and once you start making that turn towards the back nine you grasp with a little more clarity the fact that we dont have all that much time on this earth. William Penn said "Time is what we want most, but... what we use worst." I think it sometimes takes a bit of gray hair up top of our heads to fully get a handle on that.

I play footbball(shocking I know) with some young guys at my church from time to time...and they often get tickled (and somewhat perplexed) by the fact that I can move as good as I can ... I tried to explain it to them like this: “Were all at Disney World on a bright sunny day. For you its 10 o’clock in the morning and youve got all the time in the world to do anything you want. For me its thirty minutes before the gates close and I want to get in every ride I possibly can.” I dont know how much longer I can run with the young dudes but I do know that at this point in my life I am now playing catch up. If I get a chance to play ball with them...I take it. I got alot of playing to catch up on...
I feel that way about the big picture too. About life. Theres quite a bit I still want to accomplish and up til now this weight has been a big roadblock holding me back. Maybe it has been for you too. For too many of us its the anchor that makes us give in to the hardships and the hopelessness. It makes life seem unfair when really weve simply been unfair to ourselves.

Thats hard to accept: we did this to ourselves.

I dont say all this to bring you down.....to remind you of your own mortality or your own shortcomings.

I say it because its time to shake things up time to remind ourselves that although we may have a very few number of days in this joint we have an infinite amount of possibilities a limitless number of things which we might accomplish if we set our mind and our heart and our will to it.

I have been thinking over some other major changes in my life that will possibly dramatically effect/affect(I never know)all all aspects of my life. My relationships, my job, my income....but most importanly My future.

I dont know if Ill achieve everything I want to achieve or accomplish everything I set out to do from here on out. Chances are....I wont.

But heres the thing.....it wont be the weight that stops me anymore.

I have said it over and over on here ...this is a brand new day my friends. A new day filled with all kinds of promise all kinds of possibility. Theres not a diet tip or weight loss secret I could share with you here that would be of any more use any more important than this simple phrase.... times a’wastin.

Get busy and get yourself in check. Take the steps you need to take to reclaim your body your health your life. Its the most important thing youll ever do because its the foundation for everything else you want to do.....everything else you want to be.

Do it today...because tomorrow will be here in less than a blink and you dont want to be that person who looks back and wonders what they could have had...what they should have done...what they would have been.

It's time to get going.

Tick tock, tick tock.

The Prayer

So....

No weigh in last weekend due to work schedules. So as of today I still consider myself as staying the same.
The good news is that this afternoon I had the chance to go walking with a great friend and during said walk we jogged a bit....Yeah, I jogged.
Say a prayer for my legs and knees ...

I Whistle A Happy Tune

So.....

Who else out there is trying to wrap their minds around the fact that Easter is in ONE WEEK ?!?!?
I have mentioned before that sometimes working in a church takes something out of celebrating significant holidays. The Christmas season is just a blur at times....Working in a church you tend to get invited to EVERYTHING!! And while the sentiment is very very nice it sometimes leaves you feeling stretched very thin throughout the time from Thanksgiving to New Years. During the Lenten season you are helping plan events for Lenten Sunday services and on the nights of those services you dont really have a chance to slow down and actually enjoy said services.
Palm Sunday and Holy Week will also be a bit of a blur with end of the week breakfasts,Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter egg hunts at the church Saturday and then a full day on Easter Sunday.
I LOVE my job ...i really really do but again sometimes be so directly involved with things takes a bit of the punch out of things....Anyway.

I weighed in on Saturday and for the first time since i started this journey something happened....I did not lose and I did not gain. So I will call that a good weigh in!!

So to date

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss/Gain - 0.0 lb

Total Lost - 60.5 lbs

Todays Weight 320.5 lbs

I also spent most of Saturday outside at the air show out at Maxwell AFB here in montgomery. Spending all that time outside has sent my sinues into overdrive. I mean its amazing how out of whack they are today ...
I hope yall all have an amazing Holy Week.

Gentle On My Mind

So.....
I found the list of things below and they made me chuckle. It goes along the line that you play mind games with yourself about food and excercise ...Please enjoy


You = Godzilla. Baby carrots = screaming Asians.

Give yourself a point every time you don’t eat a corn chip.

You’ll get a better workout from a highly motivated personal trainer, so before
your session, inform your PT that you just keyed up his or her car.

Think of yourself as a real-life Ms. Pac-Man; you should eat healthy food (like cherries) and go running every day (so ghosts don’t catch and kill you).

Every time you get an email, drink an 8 oz. glass of water.

Imagine that fresh ripe succulent fruit is something delicious instead.

Work out with your imaginary friend Sergio and his pet Chihuahua Miss Tizzy.

Run a mile every time you use a swear word.

It’s more exciting if you think of your salad as actually being in 3-D

Penny Lover

So........

This will be a short blog since I am at work and needing to get some other things done besides blogging but I did have a free moment .....
I lost this past weekend...3lbs!!
So to date ....

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss- 3.0 lb

Total Lost - 60.5 lbs

Todays Weight 320.5 lbs

I am working on a longer post and hope to have it up soon ...yall have a great day

Taking Chances

So.....



Its been a couple of busy weeks for me....Really a couple of busy few days but no excuse for not posting last weekend after my weigh in. I gained ...again....and as I have said it happens during this long process. I am not discourged. I am not down but I am wondering "whats next"?



So to date....



Starting Weight - 381 lbs


Todays gain- 2.0 lb


Total Lost - 57.5 lbs


Todays Weight 323.5 lbs



I have done some reading and of course all signs point to the fact that I am on a plateau of some kind. I am counting my points. I am making pretty decent decisions about the food that I eat. When I do go off the grid I do my very best to figure the points and to figure them into my daily allowance. I am excercising not enough,but I am....

My body has finally figured out that I am doing something different and has FINALLY reacted to it ...I understand.

My next step is to see the folks at the gym and consider hiring that personnal trainer. For a few months at least.

I need to jump start things again and this is what I am going to do ....

Wish me luck

A Hard Days Night

So......

This is hard work, isnt it?

Day in and day out.... battling against all types of temptation, against time and good intentioned people, against the inner demons that would see you fail in this quest to remake yourself.
Each day is its own challenge..... that is what Ive found as Ive baby-stepped my way through nearly 9 months of eating a little less... eating a little healthier and trying to make exercise a daily part of my life.
Some days I feel like I am on top of the world and that continuing my good work will be nothing short of playing a simple child like game. Every meal satisfies me in some way and every time i do excercise in some way I feel so much better.
I try not question my plan or myself.
I make my way through the day with pride and with purpose.I am on track.Those are the good days.
Then there are the times where I wake up wondering when the backslide is going to happen.... when that messed-up part of my brain will begin dragging me back into the hole that I sometimes find myself looking into....
I get hungry and feel weak. My excercising feels like wading through wet cement.
I wonder if I’ve got the strength and the stamina to keep doing what Im doing.
I feel lost, alone, afraid......Those are the better days. Crazy huh?
They are the better days because I work my way through those patches.... and I wind up a little stronger in the process.
I get through those days and I realize that there is no stopping me now....
No quitting on this journey.
No going back this time......I am on a great adventure.
I dont know how things are going for you right now.... but I suspect you are having the same mix of good days and not-so-good days as I am......times when it seems easy as pie...times when it seems tougher than nails.

I encourage you to take the good times as they come and enjoy just how good they can be. Rejoice in the wonderful sensation of saying “no” and pat yourself on the back for all the good decisions you make during the course of a day. All of this can apply to anything in your life ...for me its food and my journey with it.
Celebrate the incredible feeling of a well earned sweat or a mini-goal attained.
As for those rough times? Grit your teeth and get through them with as much grace and good will as you can manage. It does not have to be pretty....doesnt have to be textbook.
Just stumble through it as best you can and keep in mind that no one… and I repeat no one… gets through this without suffering setbacks and detours.

It just DOES NOT happen.

I firmly believe that we will make it to where we are headed......I know I will and I suspect you will too. We have simply come too far to turn back..... experienced too much to be satisfied with giving anything other than our very best effort.
No matter what kind of day it turns out to be, I have faith that we… you and I … will make it through it just fine.

Long Nights

So........

It was bound to happen I guess.....Usually if I know that I will be out of town or busy on Saturday and not able to make it to a weigh in then I will go on Friday. Well, this week I found myself busy on both days and was not able to make it Friday or Saturday. This is a first for me....Missing a weigh in !
We had our HUGE yard sale at the church on Saturday and it required me to be there all morning for that.....add to this that on Friday I was running around getting stuff for said yard sale and well I just did not make it by Weight Watchers.
It happens. I have to admit it was kinda weird not weighing in for the first time since last August 7.

If you know me then you know that I DO NOT SLEEP. Have not for years ...anyway this past week has found me with a cold of some kind and that has added to the problem. On Thursday night I took some medicine that WIRED me up instead of soothing me into a NyQuil slumber.
I think I got about 3 hours of sleep and add to that on Friday night I slept at the church and got another solid 3 hours.
Its now 11:20pm on Saturday night and you would think I would be dead asleep but nope...I am sitting here updating my blog.
So is my life I guess....

I will have updated numbers next week though ....thats a fact jack.

Dont Think Twice, Its Alright

So.......

Im scared of food.



I dont mean that Im terrified that Im going to get cornered in a dark alley and accosted by a pack of little debbie cakes.

I dont wake up 
in a cold sweat worried that there is a carrot cake beneath my bed waiting for an opportune time to pounce.



Im just afraid of the power food has on me. Even the idea of food messes with my mind at times.

In the past there have been many reasons for my overeating, and very few of them had anything to do with hunger or the need to fuel my body.



I ate because I was stressed.



Because I was bored.



Because it had become a habit and it was just something that was a part of who I was.



Because it made me happy... or at least that's what I told myself.

When I look at photographs of me at my worst, I question the idea that
a true transfer of happiness was ever part of the equation....something inside me told me it would make feel better even though every rational part of me knew it would only make me feel worse.



I dont trip up daily like I once did.... but I still stumble enough to give me pause... still fear dark clouds even though I keep a mostly 
sunny outlook on this journey.



But I like to think that its turned into a kind of healthy fear....like being afraid to gun it through an intersection in front of
 a speeding train or touching an electric wire to see if the juice is turned on.



Im scared of food and Im afraid Ill always be afraid.



However..... I can live with being afraid easier than I can live being the way I was.

It Is Well With My Soul

So......

It was one of those weeks last week.

A Birthday party for a dear dear friend. A night spent celebrating at our favorite place to sit down for a meal and drinks. A night spent telling stories...laughing....getting to know your closest friends even better. This brought up a question later in the week though ....In 20-25 years when we are sitting around with the grown up Harper, Lily,Campbell, RML and any other kids that are to come...Will there be a Sinclairs ? Odds are NO there will not be ....The places that our parents enjoyed are gone with the wind....Igors(the old good Igors, not that crap on the bypass that is not anything like what Igors was in the day ) The Elite(yes my parents ate at The Elite...yours ?) Dale's Penthouse (pre-fire)....Will we be sitting at some new place talking about "remember when we used to sit at Sinclairs till closing?"

So anyway back to the week that was ...

A week of not excercising like I should have....no regrets. I decided when I started this journey that I would not have regrets of any kind.....I would stumble, I would fall on my face from time to time but at the end of the day if I regretted anything then I really believe that it could and WOULD lead to more failure. It would lead me to get into a game of second guessing....It would lead me down a dangerous path of WHAT IFS....

I recognize that I am human and will stumble from time to time and thats what makes this time different than the other times....I am more informed in my decision making. I am wiser (with age) or at least I really think I am ....

I gained this week and for about the last two months I have been stuck in a cycle....gain two one week and then lose three the next....gaine one and then lose two. Up and down back and forth.

Am I upset at myself ....Hardly. Am I frustrated....a little.

I am very certain that very soon I am going to break free of this cycle and get back onto losing on a regular basis until I hit another low point in the cycle....Its part of the game. I get it .

So the numbers tonight ....

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays gain- 2.0 lb

Total Lost - 59.5 lbs

Todays Weight 321.5 lbs

I am looking forward to my next week which actually begins my 30th week going to Weight Watchers....

Have a great week yall !!

Anchors Away

When Spanish Conquistador Hernando “I carry diseases yall have never heard of ” Cortez landed in Mexico in 1519 he gave a startling order: “Burn the ships.”

Some historians argue that he just didnt want to pay the high docking fees at the marina but most have come to the conclusion that he was committed to his mission that he didnt want to allow his men (or himself) the option of returning to Spain... the option of failure.

I have started thinking thinking that this approach to my weight loss might be a good idea ...... Im getting rid of excuses that get in my path, and Im chasing away temptations that I know are just too difficult for me to resist.

I used to buy snacks for my nephews that, more often than not, I would wind up munching on while watching TV.

Burn the chips.

The fridge at church is sometimes stocked with sweet tea and creamy dips.

Burn the dips and tea.

I found myself eating sweet right before bedtime.

Burn the treats.

It seems that sometimes I find myself making poor choices at restaruants.

Burn the menus.

Not one person out there is made of steel........ We cannot resist temptation indefinitely.

What we can do is take away as many of the hurdles and enticements that get in the way of our weight loss success as we possibly can.

If you say you can eat those sweet delicious foods on just the weekend or maybe when out with friends at dinner you are setting yourself up for trouble....When you start making deals with yourself over food, it’s time to burn the ships.....Your family wont like it if you quit buying ice cream? Well heres the big shocker .....theyll get over it. My nephews are crushed because I stopped bringing home their favortite cookies..... those boats have been torched..... along with the excuses. And you know what ? My nephews are now enjoying eating the low fat ice cream and weight watchers cookies and snacks. You learn to change and adapt especially when you see that you need to do it for your well being.

Maybe more important than the temptations youve got to take away the excuses that make taking care of yourself less of a priority than taking care of all the other areas of your existence,all the other duties and responsibilities that fill your days.

This is your life, and its high time that you give yourself the opportunity to be the person you want to be, that you know deep down you’re on the road to becoming.

Burn the ships.

Get rid of anything and everything that could possibly cause you to fail.

Burn the ships.

Take every excuse off the table, and leave every cop-out and justification out back with the trash. Leave yourself no choice but to succeed… and dont be surprised when thats what you do.

Against all odds, Cortez’s men conquered the Aztecs and were victorious where others had been unsuccessful for six centuries.

Its hard to open the fridge door when your backs against the wall.

Baby You Belong To Me

So..........

Went today to weigh in since I have work stuff tomorrow morning and am pleased with my loss of 4lbs this week. And according to my numbers here I am now above the 60lbs lost mark AND below 320 in total body weight.
I am pleased....Especially considering that I ate pretty crappy at the Homecoming thing at church last weekend.
Anyway ....downwards I go...
Have a great weekend


Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss- 4.0 lb

Total Lost - 61.5 lbs

Todays Weight 319.5 lbs

Too Much

So....

I found this list of IFs online ...enjoy.

If you dance at a concert and the band skips, you might have a weight problem.

If your double chin has a double chin, you might have a weight problem.

If your favorite thing to eat on cookies is frozen cookie dough, you might have a weight problem.

If you direct-deposit your paycheck to the break room vending machine, you might have a weight problem.

If they recognize your voice when you call to order a pizza, you might have a weight problem.

If you’re a member of the Ham-of-the-Month Club, you might have a weight problem.

If you have to iron your pants on the driveway, you might have a weight problem.

If you put gravy on your Raisin Bran, you might have a weight problem.

If you eat dinner at a fast-food joint and then swing by the drive thru on your way out of the parking lot, you might have a weight problem.

Sometimes.....this blog seems to take on a life of its own. It seems to write itself and other times I find something online that I feel like sharing and I post it here as I have done with the IFs above.

And sometimes its odd how often people will comment that they really needed that laugh today or really needed that call to arms today or really needed that swift kick in the butt today.

Here is my justification for the silly posts..... we are in this for the long haul ... you and me.

Were going to be here for quite some time… or at least thats the plan.

I dont want to bark at you or lecture you or even inspire you seven days a week but I wouldnt mind you thinking about this journey were on EVERY DAY. Some days, I think it’s okay that we just laugh at ourselves and laugh at this crazy situation that weve somehow put ourselves in.

To me, this isnt one of those “you gotta laugh to keep from crying” situations either..... It just feels good to laugh sometimes and when youre on a long trip like we are.... when youre pushing yourself to do something that feels even bigger than you are........it’s VERY nice to enjoy a light-hearted moment every so often.

Goodnight my friends....

Almost Like Being In Love

So.....

I gained today. It happens. You lose. You gain. You worry about it and you forget about it. You move on. Kinda like snow....You worry it might be bad and roads will close and you think the end of the world is upon us but tonight...hardly a flake of snow remins. Meanwhile the Mid Atlantic states are still digging out of the storm that hit LAST weekend.
So I gained today and honestly I cant put a finger on what was the main thing that caused me to go up this week. I know I am stressed with work right now because of a big event coming up tomorrow (Feb 14) so maybe it was the stress and the fact that I did not excercise this week like i should have. No excuse really ...I just gained.
It seems for the last few weeks I have been caught in the 50-60lbs lost range. Thats a good place to be caught I say !!
Anyway ...Moving on
So to date ....

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays Gain- 2.0 lbs

Total Lost - 57.5 lbs

Todays Weight 323.5 lbs

Thats all i got tonight folks ...I am whipped for some reason

Dont Panic

So.....

I think I give people the wrong idea.
I have mentioned before my motivation to getting into better shape being a picture that was made of me back in August.
Yet that was not the only thing that motivated me .....
The hardest part about being obese is that I never really appreciated the great life I had and have.
I always short-changed myself.
I never really appreciated my wonderful friends or great family I have.
I never thought about the friends that truly cared about me or having a the job that pushed me...and made me take the lives of others into my own hands.
I never appreciated that McDonalds had a healthy menu, or that most restaurant booths are made for people up to 300 pounds.
I never appreciated that Dillards carried pants that were size 52 and I never appreciated that if I were to ever email Weight Watchers they would have given me a membership just to see me lose weight(its true).
Why would I. I was 381 pounds. None of that applied to me. none of that catered to me.I made my Hell.
I never blamed myself for all the crap that I ate.
I never blamed myself for the poor choices I made......It was societys fault....BUT once I started to lose the weight, things started to make sense.
I truly appreciated the beauty of my life.

My job has gotten better.
McDonalds is not Satan.
Airlines did not hate me.
Booths are better than tables....

I do have advice you have not heard.....
I can help some and annoy others.

1. Society is not to blame for my or your weight gain.
2. Gaining weight one week is not a lifetime failure.
3. My life and yours is better than you think.
4. There are always people who are heavier than I am.
5. There are always people who are lighter than Iam.
6. The meanest people are the same ones that will hug you when you succeed.
7. Saying NO is sexy.
8. There is no such thing as a limited time food. The McRib has been around for years and chocolate candy or chips and dip will always be there to comfort you.
9. After losing weight, you...me..whoever will have to look at yourself in the mirror and be happy.
10. I have to want it.....
and number 11....Do not short-change yourself....always refer to number 3.

Goodnight my friends....

Baby, Its Cold Outside

So.......

I was supposed to be out of town this weekend. I was supposed to be in Baltimore. Yeah, Baltimore....the town that saw epic snowfall from Friday to Saturday night. The area digging out of nearly 30 inches of snow.

My flight was cancelled so ....no go for me. But I have a plane ticket and a chance to go back perhaps after Easter. The picture at the top is the street in front of the house where I would have been staying .....

I had not planned on weighing in this weekend. I was not able to get over to WW on Thursday to do it so I had resigned myself to the fact that for the first time in 6 months I would miss a weigh in....I will refer you to my opening lines as to why I was able to be in Montgomery and make my weigh in today.

I lost 1.5 lbs.

So to date

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss- 1.5 lb

Total Lost - 59.5 lbs

Todays Weight 321.5 lbs

I have a scratchy throat also ...Goodnight my friends.

No Ceiling

So......

It’s a myth that all overweight people suffer from low self-esteem more than the rest of the population.

In fact tests given to overweight folks have proven that obese individuals are just as mentally healthy (or unhealthy) as anyone else..... Theres no support for the idea that overeating is generally associated with poor mental or emotional health.

Quite the opposite, many slim people who were interviewed said they wouldn’t have the courage to go out if they were obese. They would simply stay at home and hide their faces.

Think about it..... you get up every morning... get out of bed and face the world head-on.

You accept strangers stares, children’s cruel comments and friends “helpful” advice.... all with a smile and grace.

You've recognized the inner demons that have put you in the state youre in, and you're doing something about it. You are getting your life in balance and perhaps providing emotional support for others who are also getting their lives in balance.

Here’s my point .... we are not weak.

Here’s my second point (and this may hurt a little):

We have got to get stronger.

We have got to get stronger because this is a long uphill climb and it will take its toll on you... both mentally and physically.

We have got to get stronger because time is not on our side, and Life will jump up and get in our faces.

We have got to get stronger because folks can look to us and maybe just maybe see hope and they wont be satisfied until we reach your goals.

We have each got our own ways of fighting this fight our own methods to this madness.

I joined Weight Watchers.... You may cut carbs... she may count calories.... he may swim 50 laps a day, folks may play basketball .

There is no one way...no right way....to get there from here.

But I often ask myself this simple question...Am I really doing all I can to succeed?

If you can honestly say yes then God bless you....But I would guess you would be in the vast minority on this one....I know this is going to sound maybe crazy coming from a guy who has been touting his weight loss for the past 8 months but I am still not doing EVERYTHING I could be doing ....I need to be more serious about this if I am planning on finding the untimate success.

I need to shift it into high gear and start getting it done and I mean like today.

The real results aren’t going to happen for me until I buckle down even more . Until I go all in... get serious.

There is a lion on my right bicep area of my arm. Its a tattoo of course.....but some days that lion in my heart, and he’s roaring and pissed at the fat that I’ve added to myself over the years by being stupid and lazy. My being overweight roars at me everyday.

I yell at myself at times at the choices that allowed me to put my own health and future in jeopardy.

So I am going to start listening to this lion more ...he is roaring at me every day filling my spirit with determination and reminding me that this is my time. He is pushing me to run crazy with this weight loss thing and to jump at this AMAZING chance to reclaim my life.

This journey is not for the weak....it is for the strong-willed. I know I have what it takes to lose another 60 or 100 pounds......Why in the world would I not ??

AND...my title tonight was a suggestion from my great friend Clay...former youth and wonderful friend. Thanks bud for your continued support.