Blurring The Lines of Reality

So..........

I had a thing happen Tuesday that scared me ....We have had VBS at DUMC this week and thats an "all hands on deck " so late Tuesday afternoon I run home to sit down for a few before being back at 5:30.

I lay down ...take a quick 30 minute nap and when I wake up I have some intense blurred vision in my left eye. It lasts about 20-25 minutes but once the blurred vision clears up I am left with a pretty decent headache....and by decent I mean BLECH.

Long story short ....today I went to my eye doctor for a checkup on that situation specially since the same thing happened again this morning.

His verdict? Not sure what it is ....My eyes looked ok he said besides my usual little stuff ...

He said it could very possibly be a mild migraine.... Possibly stress related....lot of stuff maybe .

Here is where my stress is and my problem...I have a hard time letting things go.

As I mentioned we had our VBS this week and it was the first time in 4 years that I was not " in charge" of anything with the overall planning. I was there each night to watch and answer questions etc....I am technically over the new Childrens Director but ....I mainly sat back and watched this year

I was worried and stressed all week that things would go ok. That everything would be good for the kids ...Guess what ? It was great!!!

I know our Children's Director is very qualified to handle this job ....but after doing it myself for 4 years it was a bit hard to let it all go....Does that even make sense?

I am not one of these folks that looks for someone to say "Great job Jay, really nice VBS, you did so much hard work and we appreciate it" I dont seek out praise...thats not me .... I dont think it is anyway ....I am a behind the scenes kinda person ...Give the praise to the folks who took off work to help out...or to the grandmothers who made food all week....or the youth who gave up their summer time off to be there each night.

My thing is I just have a hard time letting things go and allowing othersto do things.....So my stress level was high....LET ME STRESS HERE ...I was very pleased with VBS and how things went ...our Childrens person is AMAZING !! We are so very blessed to have her

Add to that I have managed to get behind on final planning on our mission trip that we leave for on Sunday morning. ......

So yeah ....a stress headache/blurred vision thing was very possible and DID happen.

Caroling Out In The Snow.......

So.....

I once again would like to say for everyone who reads this little blog o mine.....I hate, detest,despise,loath the summer months. And of course our summer months are sometimes April -October.

It was 96 here in Montgomery today ....How in all of God's creation could you possibly find any sliver of joy from being out in 96 degree heat?

Laying out in the sun by the pool....Blech.

Going to the beach...when its up near 100...Blech.

Spend any amount of time outside that you dont have to ....Blech.

I like it cool...rainy...damp..overcast...cloudy...I have said it before but it fits my mood.

96 degrees makes me angry and bitter. It makes me want to get into fights with strangers at the grocery store. It makes me want to run over squirrels because they wear such heavy coats in the summer.

So heres the deal ....I will count each day of summer being gone as another day closer to Fall and Winter being closer....

I leave Sunday for Asheville NC for a week ...gotta be better there ...

Beating A Dead Horse....Perhaps??

So.....
There is something on my mind here ....Something big.
I go to church .....I have a passion for church. I don't mean the building where I go... I mean the Church. I enjoy the whole process. Communion,hymns,sermons, the people you meet as a result of being in a church. I know there are many folks who are turned off by the church. Those who search out the new and fun when they are looking for a church. Whats exciting at this church might be old news at the next one down the street.

Here is my problem....I dont know if I can continue to go to church anymore ....At least not at a UMC church.
I am disappointed in the UMC church ....I am extremly let down by the church.
For a long time now the UMC church has had a policy of not allowing gays and lesbians to be full members of its church. The policy states that if you are a practicing homosexual then you are in sin and therefore are not welcome in the UMC.
Well...You are welcome BUT you cant be a member. A little of the 'love the sinner, hate the sin' going on there I guess.
This year churches are being asked in the UMC to change the wording in their Discipline to allow ANYONE to be a member of the UMC, regardless of who,what ,when or where you are in life.
Problem is this ....Thats not going to happen.
Opponents of the change say that to do this would go against the social and moral fabric of the church....
My thing is this..The fabric of the church is tested daily by the tens of millions of open sinners who already worship freely in the church.
As Dr Billy Graham said " when did one sin become worse than any other "

How do you honestly let ANYONE become a member of said church if you are following this doctrine ....

How can we proclaim ourselves followers of a wonderful and loving Christ and yet turn our backs on someone ?
How can we proclaim ourselves followers of a wonderful and loving Christ and yet still find it within ourselves to proclaim ourselves better then someone else?
How can we proclaim ourselves followers of a wonderful and loving Christ, a man who openly welcomed SINNERS of all nature into his presence , and yet we still sit by and do nothing when "the least of these " are turned away?

I have amazing, loving friends. They are spiritual and caring. They would carry you to the top of a mountain. They have gone to church, they have helped with programs,they have gone on trips, they have taught Sunday School, they have served on church boards, they have prepared meals, they have laughed with everyone, they have cried real tears in times of sorrow, they have brought flowers when a child is born, they have brought a casserold when a loved one died, they have been there through thick and thin. Flush times and bust times.
But if they made the choice to be honest and live their lives as who they are ....Then they are not welcome in the UMC.
How and why do we do this ??
This makes me sad.

Someone said a few weeks back that "we throw open the church doors and start living the life of Christ. Live it in a full and total way. Invite the beggers, homeless,gays, straights,prostitutes ALL sinners into our lives. Imgaine being known around town as THAT CHURCH THAT ACTS JUST LIKE JESUS"

How can we proclaim ourselves followers of a wonderful and loving Christ and yet close our doors to anyone who is searching for the same Jesus that we follow, but they just happen to be gay?

Better yet, how do we have the nerve to show our faces after closing that door??

To Borrow A Term From a Dear Friend ....MEH !!

So.......
It's Tuesday morning at 12:54am and I am up when I really should be making every effort to be getting sleep since I have to be up at 6am.

I got this idea for a blog post kicking around in my head ...But I honest to goodness dont have it in me tonight to post ..
Perhaps tomorrow ...anyway thats it