Softly As I Leave You

So.....

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.
~Charles M. Schulz

I posted for the first time on this blog on May 2,2010. Seems like ages ago really and a good bit has changed in my life since then. I am nowhere near the same person that I was then. I have made new friends and have lost a few. I have moved into new directions at my job. I have travelled more than I ever thought I would have had the chance to.
I have finally come around to the idea that blogging is indeed dead or dying. I read a very few blogs myself now. At one point I had upwards of 15 on my reader but now its less than 5 that I check on a regular basis. And I hardly ever comment anymore on any of them.
Twitter has replaced a good portion of blogging. Facebook is still pretty strong of course....
Blogging is slowly slipping away.....And thats ok.
I used this blog for the past year to document my weight loss journey. I have had amazing support from you all and appreciate it. I have managed to lose about 60lbs in 13 months and keep it off. I will continue to lose weight and get into better shape...thats a promise not just to me but to you all also. But things have changed and there is really no need for my blogging voice to be heard anymore...and that too is ok.

So thanks for the memories and the comments over the past couple of years....its been a blast. Lets do it again sometime....
Peace

Glory Glory to Old Auburn ...

So.....

I have once again been travelling a good bit with my job. Spending long periods of time away from home. Eating on the go etc but still managing to keep things respectable. I have still only managed to blog here and there and I apologize for that one. For those of you out there that DEPEND on my blog...SORRY. For those of you out there that could care less....You are welcome!!!

Theres a thing in most sports where a team gets ahead by a sizeable margin and changes its game plan. Instead of playing to win.....the team starts playing with a different goal in mind--not to lose.

Sometimes, that strategy backfires. The squad that was trying to hold the lead finds itself playing cautious and hesitant. Its hard to maintain momentum when youre back on your heels.

And when that happens... a seemingly sure win sometimes slips from their grasp.

The team snatches defeat from the jaws of victory.

That analogy has been weighing on my mind this week since the glorious return of college football is literally right around the corner...about how it pertains to the shift from goal-oriented weight loss into maintenance (or near maintenance). Instead of a single-minded focus on what we need to do... we try to do just enough to get the job done. And too often “just enough” isnt quite enough...
Dont get me wrong though....I am not anywhere near full time maintaining but with loss comes a certain level of looking ahead and at least trying to maintain so as not to gain again...Its a cycle that you have to be aware of.


Four weeks ago... in an effort to combat a what I was thinking would be a huge post-work travelling gain...I went on offense and managed to lose almost 4lbs.

Then in the following weeks I was travelling again.... I shifted the game plan back to a more defensive mindset...and the scale bumped up a tad. 2lb gain last Monday.

Theres an old sports saying... “The more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle.” With a minor tweak it works for weight loss too...

The more right choices you make during the week, the less you need to worry on the scale.

Time to get my head in the game....

It Was A Very Good Year

So.....

Its been one year for me on Weight Watchers.....Its been a great ride

War Eagle

So.....

On January 1, 1929 the California Golden Bears football team faced the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena. Midway through the second quarter Cal center Roy Riegels picked up a fumble by Techs Jack Thomason.....just 30 yards away from the Yellow Jackets end zone Riegels somehow got turned around and ran 65 yards in the wrong direction.

Teammate and quarterback Benny Lom chased him screaming at him to stop. He finally caught up with Riegels at Californias 3-yard line and tried to turn him around... but he was immediately hit by a line of Tech players and tackled back to the 1-yard line. The Bears chose to punt rather than risk a play so close to their own end zone but Tech blocked the punt and Georgia Tech scored a safety giving them a 2-0 lead.

Speaking of going the wrong way.... I have had a slip-up on the weight-loss front. Is been summer...work stuff has been hectic and it has had me running here and there and missing meetings etc. After not going to a meeting or weigh in for 6 weeks I had only gained 4lbs but a gain is a gain and I have worked WAY too hard to lose what I have..
I have had some back issues to deal with that has kept me away from some working out...and I wrongly thought that if I stayed somewhat active chasing the folks in the group at church then I would be alright. I have tried to watch and keep track of most everything but as its been said before "old habits die hard".
I know my limits but this diet thing...and my drive to be healthier is and will be a permanent park of my life. I cant take a break really...its a "new normal"

Anyway..... “Wrong Way” Riegels (as he came to be called) was so distraught by his mix-up that he had to be begged into returning to the game for the second half. He turned in a stellar second half performance including blocking a Tech punt.

The example of how the distraught Riegels was persuaded to pick himself up... return to the field and play so hard during the second half is sometimes used by motivational speakers to illustrate overcoming setbacks.

Sadly ... “Wrong Way” Riegels team wound up losing in that national championship game.

I plan on losing next week too.

And I pick Auburn to win the National Championship this year ...just saying .

Cant Go Back Now

So.....

Friday Morning is here ...its 12am dead on and I thought why not write a blog post before getting into bed to watch some TV...

I remember when I got my first comment on a blog ....it was fun. Its still a little fun to get those comments. I dont always comment when I should on other blogs but I do read. But if we are being honest we LOVE getting a comment. It validates our efforts.

I can not pinpoint an exact reason why I do this. People enjoy it?
I have so many grammatical errors...yet no one corrects me. Perhaps they enjoy the content. They see the passion I have towards my new goals in life. I do not write to please all. I think I write with some kind of passion about things that mean a lot to me ...

But I do blog. I do write.... I am random and you never know what is going to come out of my mouth. I might blog about this or that but its always heartfelt

I do not mind screwing up....I do not mind saying something stupid. I mind not saying anything at all.

So why do I blog? Same reason as you.....

Because I can!

PS- I am dreaming of a white Christmas ....Goodnight all !!

We Are The World

So.....

I have been missing for a couple of weeks(ok months) but here I am back again and ready to get things going on a somewhat regular schedule. I have been travelling, working on days when I should go weight in and in general been off track since May. I promised honesty from the beginning...so I am trying to keep with that. I have gained and lost over the last couple of months and have been proud of myself for maintaining what I have lost but the blogging has suffered and it really does help keep me accountable.
I know I was missed ...right? RIGHT ????
This post is about weight loss of course but its about blogging as a whole too ...

I have started and deleted about 50 posts it seems and everytime I thought I had something that I wanted to finish with a PUBLISH POST hit I just couldnt seem to bring it home to my satisfaction but I started thinking about things again as I was going through the blogs im following and deleting out the ones that havent updated in forever.
Most of of us blog to some degree but I know its a bit of a downer when we dont update on a regular basis. To be honest.....

...Its kind of depressing.....I see so many of us out there writing “This Is It!” and “Never Give Up!” posts that were immediately followed by.....crickets.
I am the first person to stand before the judge and say "Guilty as charged your honor"
Twitter has done a tremdous job in killing blogging I suppose...And I am a guy who Tweets and I will admit that I enjoy the back and forth nature of twitter. The almost instant access you get in the limited form of converstation. But you can only tweet so much about your weight loss journey. Or your trip to the Bahamas. Or your kids getting their first haircut. Or an upcoming special event like a wedding or your decision to go sky diving.

I am surprised to find that there are quite a few whose stories I am really into for a time in the blogging world but then folks stop blogging...But out of sight, out of mind and new more active voice come along to fill that void.

The sad thing is that I suspect that these folks havent just dropped the ball on their blogging but perhaps on other parts of their life also...We are at the end of the day creatures of habit and if they are anything like me they have lapsed into that mindset that says if Im not thinking hard about what im eating, the calories dont count. If im not weighing myself regularly, im not gaining weight.

Im afraid that we are going to wake up one day and realize that we have lost a lot of ground on our/my journey, that we have slipped back down that slippery slope where climbing is such a slow, tough climb but sliding back can happen as quick as a hiccup.

I have a good bit of weight I still want to lose and I am going to continue blogging about it like my success depends on it....because in a very real sense I believe it does.
This week I start going to weigh in on a new night at a new time. THe class has several men in it and I was advised that perhaps they could offer some support that those lovely ladies at the other meeting cannot.
With the first of August coming up I will be approaching my one year anniversay with Weight Watchers and I have to say its been a great ride. I have lost a good amount of weight but as I said before...I have miles to go.
And let me add this ...My health insurance premium has really gone through the roof in the last year and today I called around to perhaps find another company to handle my needs...I could not find one that would take me based on what I weight when factored with my height. I accept their rules and their policies but it really pissed me off and kinda started a fire under me to "SHOW THEM" that I can lose this weight and get insurance from them eventaully...

My busy summer is not over yet....In less than three weeks I head to South Dakota on a mission trip and will be gone for like 10 days. I am excited about the chance to serve but also dreading the trip at the same time...if that even makes sense.
Anyway folks ...I am back and looking forward to new and exciting things ...


“There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me.”

My Back Pages

So......

Its been a busy couple of weeks for me and due to that I have found myself not getting around weighing in like I should. I am still working the points of WW and getting in excercise when I can but I would be lying if i did not say it had been a tough couple of months...specially the last few weeks. Add to that an aggravation of an old back injury and you have me just a little blah. I am still comfortable with what I have dont in almost 11 months of being on Weight Watchers but am still looking for that change in momentum. Any suggestions dear readers ?
Just for fun though I have included something I found on someones blog this morning ...enjoy.


Found online today ....

Signs You Have Hired a Bad Trainer

Makes you do jumping jacks in the parking lot for an hour


Keeps calling you “Bootylicious”


Eats three caramel apples during your session


Lots of self-done tattoos


Not sure what a “bicep curl” is


Dresses in an official Star Trek uniform


Tells you last job was as Wac-a-Mole operator for traveling carnival


Thinks “Gluteus Maximus” is “that dude in the Gladiator movie”


Spends first thirty minutes of session trying to convince you that professional wrestling isn’t fake


Asks you to hold the funnel while he pours tequila into water bottle


Claims to have gotten personal training degree from The University of Harvard


All former clients have passed away due to mysterious circumstances


Loves to encourage you by speaking “baby talk”


Holds sessions in his trailer


Sits down on your stomach in the middle of your bench press


Schedules six people at the same time


Offers to be paid in Crystal Meth

Do You Want To Know A Secret

So.....

Shhhhhhhh......

Im going to tell you a secret. Its a big one to...Some of you out there maybe already know it but others of you dont.....

Sometimes Im really terrible at this weight loss business. I mean for the past couple months I have really struggled with the ups and downs. I have managed to maintain my weight for the past 4 months and when all is said and done I have gained three pounds of the total 61.5 that I have lost. Not bad.
I have let being sick keep me from doing right and as we speak I am suffering what can only be called HORRIBLE back problems all incurred while PUSHING a box across a table at work...Yes, pushing a box. Also add to that I watch Diners, Drive Ins and Dives and Man VS Food all the time and seeing some of that stuff makes me want to take a road trip and hit all the diners and dives.


I seldom if ever track my calories. I sometimes have a loose way of going about this dieting business. I believe that if I maintain a active lifestyle incorporating a great deal of exercise...I should be able to eat what I want, as long as what I want to eat isnt a wheelbarrow filled with carrot cake or something equally unhealthy. I am not the perfect picture of Weight Watchers .

And to be honest I dont have a real coherent plan on the exercise front....other than to try to get some exercise every day. I try to mix it up… weights, walking, elliptical(sometimes)....its pretty much whatever I feel most like doing that day. Except for days when I dont feel like doing anything in which case its the thing that I feel like not doing the least.... if that even makes any sense.

But heres the thing: im not as overweight as I was a year ago. Ive still got work to do, but things are looking better.

So…

Im going to keep it in overdrive, keep powering forward for all that im worth.

I hope you will, too, because weve still got work to do.

Happy Birthday

So....

Another year older.

I get reminded alot from my amazing, wonderful, loving, supportive friend group here in Montgomery that YES, I am indeed the oldest in the group. I am almost 9 years older than some and as little as 4 years older than others. I get all the " wow are you that much older than us " jokes...
I never take them serious. Never have and never will.
But approaching this birthday has been a little different than ones in the past.
I turn 36 today and that puts me closer to 40 than I am perhaps comfortable with...

But this past year I decided to get serious about me....
I decided to put my health and well being first for really the first time in my life.
I decided to be happy in my decisions.
Its made all the difference. Almost one year ago I was weighing the heaviest I have ever weighed in my life...Today on my 36th birthday I am happy to report that I am 60lbs lighter and am on the right track.
I will eat some birthday cake at some point this weekend. I will grill out with family and maybe go off points a little bit but thats ok....because I celebrate not being where I was last year this time.
I know that you can celebrate special events with Weight Watchers but what you cant do is take off weeks at a time and celebrate the whole month of your birthday and still expect results.
I know I cant make excuses for my excercising and then expect the scales to be kind to me. Its something I take serious and look towards the end of the summer and knowing that perhaps I will be 10-15lbs lighter than I am now.
Its a daily affirmation for me to look ahead and imagine what will be...

I celebrate knowing that I am taking the steps to hopefully celebrate the next 36 years or hell the next 72 for that matter.

And as Frank Sinatra used to say
" May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine "

Salude !

Ice Ice Baby

So....

I found this online ...enjoy.
Also ...

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss/Gain - 0.00 lb

Total Lost - 57.5 lbs

Todays Weight 323.5 lbs

What You Sometimes Want To Say At Your Weight Watchers Meeting

“Weight Watcher’s frozen pizza is delicious… if you like fake-cheesy cardboard.”
“This is what I get for losing 25 pounds? I’ve won better stuff playing Skee-Ball.”
“I believe that scale needs to be re-calibrated and I should know because I’m a full-time scale calibration technician.”
“Dip my fork in salad dressing? Lady, that’s just crazy-talk.”
“Is there a Weight Watchers iPhone app that shocks you when you try to eat pie?”
“Yes, that’s a five-pound gain, but I have a good excuse: there was a weekend in there.”
“A Big Mac only has fourteen points? Let’s ride!”
“That’s right… this week I’ll be using my ‘Get Out of Weigh-In Free’ Card.”
“I suppose it’s just a coincidence that “leader” rhymes with “eater.”
“We’re watching a movie at this week’s meeting: ‘Diethard with a Vengeance.’”
“Weight Watchers yogurt is fantastic… for grouting tile.”
“I can’t have gained weight! I haven’t eaten in 96 hours…”
“Order a pizza with no cheese? What kind of sick maniac are you?”
“No, I didn’t track all my points, but I did DVR every episode of ‘Top Chef’.”
“DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? EVERYTHING’S SO DAMN DELICIOUS!”
“My family really let me down. They just sat there and watched me eat that can of Crisco.”
“I just don’t think “rice cakes” should be allowed to use the word ‘cake’ in their name.”

Mozart's Sonata for Piano No. 11 In A Major

So....

Stages of Dieting (kinda like the grief ones ya know )

Denial -
At my heaviest I remember that I could look at myself in the mirror and at certain angles and with the proper lighting convince myself that I looked pretty much all right. Sure I could stand to lose a few pounds, but I didnt look half bad....even though I felt like day old crap most mornings. I felt like I was okay... and then Id see a snapshot taken of me at a party and my self-image would deflate like a soufflé during any type of baking I try.

Anger -
I cant tell you how many of my diets were initially fueled by feverish anger… getting mad at myself at my weakness.....at my inability to get my act together. But heres the thing about my anger....it burns white-hot for a short period.... but its simply not going to last....not something that can carry you over the long haul.

Bargaining –
Ill just have one more reckless weekend, one more bust a gut....free-for-all before I really really and I mean really get serious about it. Thats what I told myself over and over and over. Its funny how those “last meal” moments dont really get the job done as a diet booster… well.... not all the funny when you stop and think about it.

Depression -
Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and levels of frustration bitterness and self pity. Thats what a lifetime of not being able to get the deal done generally brings about......You feel down and out....lower than low. This is the darkness before the dawn.

Acceptance -
I doubt that theres a single one of us that doesnt know exactly what we need to do to lose weight and get more fit. We know it....We know it like we know our own names.... yet we stumble and struggle to eat the right things.... do the right things. Then one day (if were very lucky) it clicks and it all comes together for us... in our heads and in our hearts... and we realize how all the parts and pieces fit together.... how energy effort and enthusiasm can come together to create great circumstances. That is when the magic happens...

I dont really know how appropriate it is to "borrow" the stages of grief idea for a post about losing weight and getting more healthy... but I will use anything I can get my hands on...rants and rhymes even riddles–to help drive these points home. Ill use anything and everything at my disposal to keep pushing myself (and you I hope)to a better place.

Wherever you are on this journey I hope youre finding yourself making progress. I hope youve left behind your anger and self-doubt. I pray youre done with the bad bargains and the pity parties.

I hope you are in a good place... ready to face your challenges and your opportunities.....your future head-on !

We can do this.

Accept that fact and lets go.

I Got A Name

There is a difference in complaining and being truthful
There is a difference in seeing and doing
There is a difference in whining and standing up for yourself
There is a difference in blaming and accountability
There is a difference in struggling and failing


So....

Here I am.
Still stuck in the middle of my weight loss journey. Frustrated ? No....Upset ? Nah....Wondering when things are going to kick over and pounds start dropping again ...Yes.
In the past 3 months I have lost and gained the same 7lbs. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Its a cooling off period. Its a plateau. Its your body adjusting. Its you not counting points. Its you not excercising right. Its you having more beers than your should. Its You.
I did two things today in regards to my journey. The first is that I weighed in at Weight Watchers and had gained three pounds. The ladies there are incredible. They genuinely are concerned When you gain. They want to see you succeed. They know whats its like to come in there week after week and step on those scales. They know what its like to go out to eat with friends and wonder if this little excursion will derail you in some way. They know what its like to have folks you are around tell you that "going off once wont hurt you" They know that statment is full of poo.
I totally agree that you should eat what you want but in moderation and that you should count it. But when you are faced with temptations day after day...its those things that derail you. Folks who tell you it "wont hurt" are usually fairly thin little waifs of folks. The could eat China for dinner, burp and then have New Zealand for dessert. And thats fine....but I cant do that and lose weight. I need the structure of points, counting, weigh ins, support of fellow members and friends. I am beating a dead horse here for two reasons A. I hate horses and B. This is a LONG JOURNEY for me. I dont have a wedding to make in July and want to get into something nice...I am not going hang gliding tomorrow....I am not jumping out of a plane for fun anytime soon (but one day I will ). One day at a time for me....
The second thing I did today was something that I have talked about for weeks now and make it official today. I walked into Planet Fitness and talked to their personnal trainer. Robert is his name and first impressions are as follows ...

He really seemed interested in helping someone achieve their goal.
He was intense but not Jillian or Bob intense.
He was in AMAZING shape but not freaky looking.Just solid.
He knew what he was talking about in regards to equipment.

I was impressed with him and we stood there for about 35 minutes talking....The more I talked the more I liked what he was saying. Heres the kicker ...The first things he does with you are free. He shows you this and that. How to run machines and use them to get the best results for your efforts. He said that for some folks thats all they need and they are good to go...
Some he said then move to another level and want him to help them even more and for a very reasonable price he can take you there.

I start Tuesday morning at 6am with him and am very excited to see what happens next in this journey.

And by the way ...the bottom picture above was made about two years ago at my church for Senior Recognition Sunday with one of my youths ....The top picture was made about two weeks ago for this years Senior Recognition Sunday...I can already see a difference in 8 months of hard work ..

Wish me Luck

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss/Gain - + 3.0 lb

Total Lost - 57.5 lbs

Todays Weight 323.5 lbs

Consider Yourself

So....

Theres nothing quite as fattening as stupidity.


I really dislike tracking my eats because I feel pretty strongly that Im trying to make changes in my diet and myself that transcend keeping up with every crappy calorie that passes my lips.

I want to feel confident that I can live my life making sensible choices and eating a little more mindfully.

Its a nice sentiment...... but easier declared than delivered.

I was blaming my recent scale slowdown on my lack of dedicated excercise time, but the simple truth is that a pipe with a lot of little leaks in it can do as much damage as one big leak. Maybe even moreso because those teeny-tiny leaks are harder to notice and alot more difficult to contain.

Portion control, sneaky snacks, grab and go munchies, theyve all played a part in my recent weight woes, but what Im really struggling to correct are the late night THINGS that arent necessarily unhealthy.... but can sabotage me on the scale. Those are the issues im trying to rein in this week.

Just trying to be a little bit smarter about how I make my way through the day.

Ive come a long long way.

Just As Though You Were Here

So.....

Every so often, its important to take a step back and take a deep breath to tap into that reserve of inner strength we all possess and rededicate ourselves to this mission thats in front of us.

Thats where I am right now.

Ready to push myself just a little bit harder, ready to double down and get serious about my goals.

Because I tend to sing, dance and joke so much in this space, its probably difficult for you to tell just how serious I am about this march toward fitness this surge toward a better life. I kid around with you because… well because thats what I do but these are my aspirations and objectives:

I will never again let myself be defined by my greatest weakness.

I will be smarter than I look and stronger than you think I am.

I will strive to eat foods that are more local and healthy, less processed and chemical-filled.

I will never again sell myself short.

I will be honest with you in this space, but more important… I will be honest with myself in every other space I occupy.

I will work out with zeal and zest, I will exercise with purpose and passion.

One day in the future, the only time I will shop in the Big & Tall section will be when Im getting something for the kid from the wrong side of the tracks who goes to the same private school as my kids and is really good at football and might one day play at Ole Miss.

I will do more tomorrow than I did today.

I will have bad days here and there, but I can assure you that the good ones the ones where I eat on plan where I fight the good fight where I keep my mind on my mission and my mission on my mind... those days will far outnumber the bad ones.

I will not falter and I will not fail.

This is my life and I plan on living it to the fullest.

Borderline

So....


Okay..so yesterday...
it was all about food and triggers for me ....I thought about it a good bit...
For a long time I assumed I ate at times because that is how I handled my emotions.
I didnt go any deeper than that.
And for some people that is as deep as it goes. Food is their drug of choice.
Someone a good bit smarter than me once said
"The fat was an unfortunate by product of my food addiction"
I am paraphrasing here. The fat wasnt or isnt doing anything for people except causing folks pain.
Which is bad enough.
There are a lot of obese people for whom this post does not apply..
I am only addressing it here because it absolutely DOES apply to me and maybe a few others I know of.
But what if your fat...is not just an unfortunate byproduct....TRICKY huh!
You dont generally find this out till about mid way through your weight loss struggles.It will present itself in stealthy ways.
Say..a certain number.
If there is a certain number that you approach and then Boom you bloe it
EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.
red flag.
Your subconscious mind is sabatoging you...dollars to donuts.
200 is a number I often see in relation to this phenomenon.
Or for some it could be 250 or 300...That number means something to you.
What?
That is a question only you can answer..
But here is the thing.
Sometimes it isnt a number.Sometimes its a happening.
This is the reason that for a long time...I couldnt pinpoint my trigger.It happened at all different weights.
Yes some of it was diet fatigue.
Some of it was wanting to eat and being hungry.

I tried to laugh it off.I fought through it.

You may not know the magnitude until you pull the food away.
This can make people not even try.
They fear trying because then they will have to pull this crap out and deal with it.
And when it comes right down to it.I don't think they fear the deprivation of limiting calories.
I think we all fear the knowledge of why we were using food in the first place...
and having that knowledge...then having to fix the crap thats wrong.

That can be life altering.
That can be very scary.
Obese people aren't stupid.

Your life isnt structured the way it is out of laziness.
There are reasons that are very logical.
The question is do you want change enough to upend your whole life to achieve it.
The pain of staying the same becomes worse than the pain of becoming who it is you know you are capable of being.
It may mean losing something...or someone.
It may mean that nearly everything other people love about you is a lie.
I am here to say irregardless of the pain it may cause you or others...It is worth it.
Its better living truthfully.
It is better knowing yourself.
It is better fixing the ugly parts.
Airing them out.
Kicking them in the @ss...and finally living a whole life.
I know because I am doing it.
And so can you.
It HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WILL POWER.
It is making the choice to change and accepting whatever consequences those choices bring.
It is worth it...and so are you.

Open Your Heart

So....

I am willing to change
I am loving and lovable and I find love everywhere
I am one with the power that created me and this power has given me the power to create my own circumstances
I listen with love to my bodies messages


Goodnight ...

Time Well Wasted

"...The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith."
President Franklin D Roosevelt... From his last speech that he never gave on April 12,1945.

So....
After being gone and out of pocket for the past three weeks I am back with good news to report. Easter Sunday food...food and beverages on my recent trek to Western North Carolina and a little bit of emotional eating thrown in there I am happy to report that I did not gain a pound !! Did not lose either but thats Fantastic to me ...so the numbers

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss/Gain - 0.0 lb

Total Lost - 60.5 lbs

Todays Weight 320.5 lbs

Tick tock, tick tock.

Do you feel the rush of time slipping by like I do? I felt it more acutely when I was at my heaviest(60+ pounds ago and still at it ) but even now I heardrums of the calendar and sometimes I feel incredibly cheated by the waste of all those lost days.

Thats exactly how I feel now....that days and weeks and months (and lets faceit… years) spent wrapped up in that uncomfortable and unfashionable suit of being overweight was time that I squandered and have no way of getting back.

I mourn those spring days when I couldnt run around and enjoy the breezy springtime... pity those once in a lifetime moments with my family and friends where I sat on the side and watched good times being enjoyed and rethink all those times I let my weight make me feel like less of a person than I was. I deeply regret that I felt defined by my greatest weakness.

Im thirty six(almost)now and once you start making that turn towards the back nine you grasp with a little more clarity the fact that we dont have all that much time on this earth. William Penn said "Time is what we want most, but... what we use worst." I think it sometimes takes a bit of gray hair up top of our heads to fully get a handle on that.

I play footbball(shocking I know) with some young guys at my church from time to time...and they often get tickled (and somewhat perplexed) by the fact that I can move as good as I can ... I tried to explain it to them like this: “Were all at Disney World on a bright sunny day. For you its 10 o’clock in the morning and youve got all the time in the world to do anything you want. For me its thirty minutes before the gates close and I want to get in every ride I possibly can.” I dont know how much longer I can run with the young dudes but I do know that at this point in my life I am now playing catch up. If I get a chance to play ball with them...I take it. I got alot of playing to catch up on...
I feel that way about the big picture too. About life. Theres quite a bit I still want to accomplish and up til now this weight has been a big roadblock holding me back. Maybe it has been for you too. For too many of us its the anchor that makes us give in to the hardships and the hopelessness. It makes life seem unfair when really weve simply been unfair to ourselves.

Thats hard to accept: we did this to ourselves.

I dont say all this to bring you down.....to remind you of your own mortality or your own shortcomings.

I say it because its time to shake things up time to remind ourselves that although we may have a very few number of days in this joint we have an infinite amount of possibilities a limitless number of things which we might accomplish if we set our mind and our heart and our will to it.

I have been thinking over some other major changes in my life that will possibly dramatically effect/affect(I never know)all all aspects of my life. My relationships, my job, my income....but most importanly My future.

I dont know if Ill achieve everything I want to achieve or accomplish everything I set out to do from here on out. Chances are....I wont.

But heres the thing.....it wont be the weight that stops me anymore.

I have said it over and over on here ...this is a brand new day my friends. A new day filled with all kinds of promise all kinds of possibility. Theres not a diet tip or weight loss secret I could share with you here that would be of any more use any more important than this simple phrase.... times a’wastin.

Get busy and get yourself in check. Take the steps you need to take to reclaim your body your health your life. Its the most important thing youll ever do because its the foundation for everything else you want to do.....everything else you want to be.

Do it today...because tomorrow will be here in less than a blink and you dont want to be that person who looks back and wonders what they could have had...what they should have done...what they would have been.

It's time to get going.

Tick tock, tick tock.

The Prayer

So....

No weigh in last weekend due to work schedules. So as of today I still consider myself as staying the same.
The good news is that this afternoon I had the chance to go walking with a great friend and during said walk we jogged a bit....Yeah, I jogged.
Say a prayer for my legs and knees ...

I Whistle A Happy Tune

So.....

Who else out there is trying to wrap their minds around the fact that Easter is in ONE WEEK ?!?!?
I have mentioned before that sometimes working in a church takes something out of celebrating significant holidays. The Christmas season is just a blur at times....Working in a church you tend to get invited to EVERYTHING!! And while the sentiment is very very nice it sometimes leaves you feeling stretched very thin throughout the time from Thanksgiving to New Years. During the Lenten season you are helping plan events for Lenten Sunday services and on the nights of those services you dont really have a chance to slow down and actually enjoy said services.
Palm Sunday and Holy Week will also be a bit of a blur with end of the week breakfasts,Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter egg hunts at the church Saturday and then a full day on Easter Sunday.
I LOVE my job ...i really really do but again sometimes be so directly involved with things takes a bit of the punch out of things....Anyway.

I weighed in on Saturday and for the first time since i started this journey something happened....I did not lose and I did not gain. So I will call that a good weigh in!!

So to date

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss/Gain - 0.0 lb

Total Lost - 60.5 lbs

Todays Weight 320.5 lbs

I also spent most of Saturday outside at the air show out at Maxwell AFB here in montgomery. Spending all that time outside has sent my sinues into overdrive. I mean its amazing how out of whack they are today ...
I hope yall all have an amazing Holy Week.

Gentle On My Mind

So.....
I found the list of things below and they made me chuckle. It goes along the line that you play mind games with yourself about food and excercise ...Please enjoy


You = Godzilla. Baby carrots = screaming Asians.

Give yourself a point every time you don’t eat a corn chip.

You’ll get a better workout from a highly motivated personal trainer, so before
your session, inform your PT that you just keyed up his or her car.

Think of yourself as a real-life Ms. Pac-Man; you should eat healthy food (like cherries) and go running every day (so ghosts don’t catch and kill you).

Every time you get an email, drink an 8 oz. glass of water.

Imagine that fresh ripe succulent fruit is something delicious instead.

Work out with your imaginary friend Sergio and his pet Chihuahua Miss Tizzy.

Run a mile every time you use a swear word.

It’s more exciting if you think of your salad as actually being in 3-D

Penny Lover

So........

This will be a short blog since I am at work and needing to get some other things done besides blogging but I did have a free moment .....
I lost this past weekend...3lbs!!
So to date ....

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss- 3.0 lb

Total Lost - 60.5 lbs

Todays Weight 320.5 lbs

I am working on a longer post and hope to have it up soon ...yall have a great day

Taking Chances

So.....



Its been a couple of busy weeks for me....Really a couple of busy few days but no excuse for not posting last weekend after my weigh in. I gained ...again....and as I have said it happens during this long process. I am not discourged. I am not down but I am wondering "whats next"?



So to date....



Starting Weight - 381 lbs


Todays gain- 2.0 lb


Total Lost - 57.5 lbs


Todays Weight 323.5 lbs



I have done some reading and of course all signs point to the fact that I am on a plateau of some kind. I am counting my points. I am making pretty decent decisions about the food that I eat. When I do go off the grid I do my very best to figure the points and to figure them into my daily allowance. I am excercising not enough,but I am....

My body has finally figured out that I am doing something different and has FINALLY reacted to it ...I understand.

My next step is to see the folks at the gym and consider hiring that personnal trainer. For a few months at least.

I need to jump start things again and this is what I am going to do ....

Wish me luck

A Hard Days Night

So......

This is hard work, isnt it?

Day in and day out.... battling against all types of temptation, against time and good intentioned people, against the inner demons that would see you fail in this quest to remake yourself.
Each day is its own challenge..... that is what Ive found as Ive baby-stepped my way through nearly 9 months of eating a little less... eating a little healthier and trying to make exercise a daily part of my life.
Some days I feel like I am on top of the world and that continuing my good work will be nothing short of playing a simple child like game. Every meal satisfies me in some way and every time i do excercise in some way I feel so much better.
I try not question my plan or myself.
I make my way through the day with pride and with purpose.I am on track.Those are the good days.
Then there are the times where I wake up wondering when the backslide is going to happen.... when that messed-up part of my brain will begin dragging me back into the hole that I sometimes find myself looking into....
I get hungry and feel weak. My excercising feels like wading through wet cement.
I wonder if I’ve got the strength and the stamina to keep doing what Im doing.
I feel lost, alone, afraid......Those are the better days. Crazy huh?
They are the better days because I work my way through those patches.... and I wind up a little stronger in the process.
I get through those days and I realize that there is no stopping me now....
No quitting on this journey.
No going back this time......I am on a great adventure.
I dont know how things are going for you right now.... but I suspect you are having the same mix of good days and not-so-good days as I am......times when it seems easy as pie...times when it seems tougher than nails.

I encourage you to take the good times as they come and enjoy just how good they can be. Rejoice in the wonderful sensation of saying “no” and pat yourself on the back for all the good decisions you make during the course of a day. All of this can apply to anything in your life ...for me its food and my journey with it.
Celebrate the incredible feeling of a well earned sweat or a mini-goal attained.
As for those rough times? Grit your teeth and get through them with as much grace and good will as you can manage. It does not have to be pretty....doesnt have to be textbook.
Just stumble through it as best you can and keep in mind that no one… and I repeat no one… gets through this without suffering setbacks and detours.

It just DOES NOT happen.

I firmly believe that we will make it to where we are headed......I know I will and I suspect you will too. We have simply come too far to turn back..... experienced too much to be satisfied with giving anything other than our very best effort.
No matter what kind of day it turns out to be, I have faith that we… you and I … will make it through it just fine.

Long Nights

So........

It was bound to happen I guess.....Usually if I know that I will be out of town or busy on Saturday and not able to make it to a weigh in then I will go on Friday. Well, this week I found myself busy on both days and was not able to make it Friday or Saturday. This is a first for me....Missing a weigh in !
We had our HUGE yard sale at the church on Saturday and it required me to be there all morning for that.....add to this that on Friday I was running around getting stuff for said yard sale and well I just did not make it by Weight Watchers.
It happens. I have to admit it was kinda weird not weighing in for the first time since last August 7.

If you know me then you know that I DO NOT SLEEP. Have not for years ...anyway this past week has found me with a cold of some kind and that has added to the problem. On Thursday night I took some medicine that WIRED me up instead of soothing me into a NyQuil slumber.
I think I got about 3 hours of sleep and add to that on Friday night I slept at the church and got another solid 3 hours.
Its now 11:20pm on Saturday night and you would think I would be dead asleep but nope...I am sitting here updating my blog.
So is my life I guess....

I will have updated numbers next week though ....thats a fact jack.

Dont Think Twice, Its Alright

So.......

Im scared of food.



I dont mean that Im terrified that Im going to get cornered in a dark alley and accosted by a pack of little debbie cakes.

I dont wake up 
in a cold sweat worried that there is a carrot cake beneath my bed waiting for an opportune time to pounce.



Im just afraid of the power food has on me. Even the idea of food messes with my mind at times.

In the past there have been many reasons for my overeating, and very few of them had anything to do with hunger or the need to fuel my body.



I ate because I was stressed.



Because I was bored.



Because it had become a habit and it was just something that was a part of who I was.



Because it made me happy... or at least that's what I told myself.

When I look at photographs of me at my worst, I question the idea that
a true transfer of happiness was ever part of the equation....something inside me told me it would make feel better even though every rational part of me knew it would only make me feel worse.



I dont trip up daily like I once did.... but I still stumble enough to give me pause... still fear dark clouds even though I keep a mostly 
sunny outlook on this journey.



But I like to think that its turned into a kind of healthy fear....like being afraid to gun it through an intersection in front of
 a speeding train or touching an electric wire to see if the juice is turned on.



Im scared of food and Im afraid Ill always be afraid.



However..... I can live with being afraid easier than I can live being the way I was.

It Is Well With My Soul

So......

It was one of those weeks last week.

A Birthday party for a dear dear friend. A night spent celebrating at our favorite place to sit down for a meal and drinks. A night spent telling stories...laughing....getting to know your closest friends even better. This brought up a question later in the week though ....In 20-25 years when we are sitting around with the grown up Harper, Lily,Campbell, RML and any other kids that are to come...Will there be a Sinclairs ? Odds are NO there will not be ....The places that our parents enjoyed are gone with the wind....Igors(the old good Igors, not that crap on the bypass that is not anything like what Igors was in the day ) The Elite(yes my parents ate at The Elite...yours ?) Dale's Penthouse (pre-fire)....Will we be sitting at some new place talking about "remember when we used to sit at Sinclairs till closing?"

So anyway back to the week that was ...

A week of not excercising like I should have....no regrets. I decided when I started this journey that I would not have regrets of any kind.....I would stumble, I would fall on my face from time to time but at the end of the day if I regretted anything then I really believe that it could and WOULD lead to more failure. It would lead me to get into a game of second guessing....It would lead me down a dangerous path of WHAT IFS....

I recognize that I am human and will stumble from time to time and thats what makes this time different than the other times....I am more informed in my decision making. I am wiser (with age) or at least I really think I am ....

I gained this week and for about the last two months I have been stuck in a cycle....gain two one week and then lose three the next....gaine one and then lose two. Up and down back and forth.

Am I upset at myself ....Hardly. Am I frustrated....a little.

I am very certain that very soon I am going to break free of this cycle and get back onto losing on a regular basis until I hit another low point in the cycle....Its part of the game. I get it .

So the numbers tonight ....

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays gain- 2.0 lb

Total Lost - 59.5 lbs

Todays Weight 321.5 lbs

I am looking forward to my next week which actually begins my 30th week going to Weight Watchers....

Have a great week yall !!

Anchors Away

When Spanish Conquistador Hernando “I carry diseases yall have never heard of ” Cortez landed in Mexico in 1519 he gave a startling order: “Burn the ships.”

Some historians argue that he just didnt want to pay the high docking fees at the marina but most have come to the conclusion that he was committed to his mission that he didnt want to allow his men (or himself) the option of returning to Spain... the option of failure.

I have started thinking thinking that this approach to my weight loss might be a good idea ...... Im getting rid of excuses that get in my path, and Im chasing away temptations that I know are just too difficult for me to resist.

I used to buy snacks for my nephews that, more often than not, I would wind up munching on while watching TV.

Burn the chips.

The fridge at church is sometimes stocked with sweet tea and creamy dips.

Burn the dips and tea.

I found myself eating sweet right before bedtime.

Burn the treats.

It seems that sometimes I find myself making poor choices at restaruants.

Burn the menus.

Not one person out there is made of steel........ We cannot resist temptation indefinitely.

What we can do is take away as many of the hurdles and enticements that get in the way of our weight loss success as we possibly can.

If you say you can eat those sweet delicious foods on just the weekend or maybe when out with friends at dinner you are setting yourself up for trouble....When you start making deals with yourself over food, it’s time to burn the ships.....Your family wont like it if you quit buying ice cream? Well heres the big shocker .....theyll get over it. My nephews are crushed because I stopped bringing home their favortite cookies..... those boats have been torched..... along with the excuses. And you know what ? My nephews are now enjoying eating the low fat ice cream and weight watchers cookies and snacks. You learn to change and adapt especially when you see that you need to do it for your well being.

Maybe more important than the temptations youve got to take away the excuses that make taking care of yourself less of a priority than taking care of all the other areas of your existence,all the other duties and responsibilities that fill your days.

This is your life, and its high time that you give yourself the opportunity to be the person you want to be, that you know deep down you’re on the road to becoming.

Burn the ships.

Get rid of anything and everything that could possibly cause you to fail.

Burn the ships.

Take every excuse off the table, and leave every cop-out and justification out back with the trash. Leave yourself no choice but to succeed… and dont be surprised when thats what you do.

Against all odds, Cortez’s men conquered the Aztecs and were victorious where others had been unsuccessful for six centuries.

Its hard to open the fridge door when your backs against the wall.

Baby You Belong To Me

So..........

Went today to weigh in since I have work stuff tomorrow morning and am pleased with my loss of 4lbs this week. And according to my numbers here I am now above the 60lbs lost mark AND below 320 in total body weight.
I am pleased....Especially considering that I ate pretty crappy at the Homecoming thing at church last weekend.
Anyway ....downwards I go...
Have a great weekend


Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss- 4.0 lb

Total Lost - 61.5 lbs

Todays Weight 319.5 lbs

Too Much

So....

I found this list of IFs online ...enjoy.

If you dance at a concert and the band skips, you might have a weight problem.

If your double chin has a double chin, you might have a weight problem.

If your favorite thing to eat on cookies is frozen cookie dough, you might have a weight problem.

If you direct-deposit your paycheck to the break room vending machine, you might have a weight problem.

If they recognize your voice when you call to order a pizza, you might have a weight problem.

If you’re a member of the Ham-of-the-Month Club, you might have a weight problem.

If you have to iron your pants on the driveway, you might have a weight problem.

If you put gravy on your Raisin Bran, you might have a weight problem.

If you eat dinner at a fast-food joint and then swing by the drive thru on your way out of the parking lot, you might have a weight problem.

Sometimes.....this blog seems to take on a life of its own. It seems to write itself and other times I find something online that I feel like sharing and I post it here as I have done with the IFs above.

And sometimes its odd how often people will comment that they really needed that laugh today or really needed that call to arms today or really needed that swift kick in the butt today.

Here is my justification for the silly posts..... we are in this for the long haul ... you and me.

Were going to be here for quite some time… or at least thats the plan.

I dont want to bark at you or lecture you or even inspire you seven days a week but I wouldnt mind you thinking about this journey were on EVERY DAY. Some days, I think it’s okay that we just laugh at ourselves and laugh at this crazy situation that weve somehow put ourselves in.

To me, this isnt one of those “you gotta laugh to keep from crying” situations either..... It just feels good to laugh sometimes and when youre on a long trip like we are.... when youre pushing yourself to do something that feels even bigger than you are........it’s VERY nice to enjoy a light-hearted moment every so often.

Goodnight my friends....

Almost Like Being In Love

So.....

I gained today. It happens. You lose. You gain. You worry about it and you forget about it. You move on. Kinda like snow....You worry it might be bad and roads will close and you think the end of the world is upon us but tonight...hardly a flake of snow remins. Meanwhile the Mid Atlantic states are still digging out of the storm that hit LAST weekend.
So I gained today and honestly I cant put a finger on what was the main thing that caused me to go up this week. I know I am stressed with work right now because of a big event coming up tomorrow (Feb 14) so maybe it was the stress and the fact that I did not excercise this week like i should have. No excuse really ...I just gained.
It seems for the last few weeks I have been caught in the 50-60lbs lost range. Thats a good place to be caught I say !!
Anyway ...Moving on
So to date ....

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays Gain- 2.0 lbs

Total Lost - 57.5 lbs

Todays Weight 323.5 lbs

Thats all i got tonight folks ...I am whipped for some reason

Dont Panic

So.....

I think I give people the wrong idea.
I have mentioned before my motivation to getting into better shape being a picture that was made of me back in August.
Yet that was not the only thing that motivated me .....
The hardest part about being obese is that I never really appreciated the great life I had and have.
I always short-changed myself.
I never really appreciated my wonderful friends or great family I have.
I never thought about the friends that truly cared about me or having a the job that pushed me...and made me take the lives of others into my own hands.
I never appreciated that McDonalds had a healthy menu, or that most restaurant booths are made for people up to 300 pounds.
I never appreciated that Dillards carried pants that were size 52 and I never appreciated that if I were to ever email Weight Watchers they would have given me a membership just to see me lose weight(its true).
Why would I. I was 381 pounds. None of that applied to me. none of that catered to me.I made my Hell.
I never blamed myself for all the crap that I ate.
I never blamed myself for the poor choices I made......It was societys fault....BUT once I started to lose the weight, things started to make sense.
I truly appreciated the beauty of my life.

My job has gotten better.
McDonalds is not Satan.
Airlines did not hate me.
Booths are better than tables....

I do have advice you have not heard.....
I can help some and annoy others.

1. Society is not to blame for my or your weight gain.
2. Gaining weight one week is not a lifetime failure.
3. My life and yours is better than you think.
4. There are always people who are heavier than I am.
5. There are always people who are lighter than Iam.
6. The meanest people are the same ones that will hug you when you succeed.
7. Saying NO is sexy.
8. There is no such thing as a limited time food. The McRib has been around for years and chocolate candy or chips and dip will always be there to comfort you.
9. After losing weight, you...me..whoever will have to look at yourself in the mirror and be happy.
10. I have to want it.....
and number 11....Do not short-change yourself....always refer to number 3.

Goodnight my friends....

Baby, Its Cold Outside

So.......

I was supposed to be out of town this weekend. I was supposed to be in Baltimore. Yeah, Baltimore....the town that saw epic snowfall from Friday to Saturday night. The area digging out of nearly 30 inches of snow.

My flight was cancelled so ....no go for me. But I have a plane ticket and a chance to go back perhaps after Easter. The picture at the top is the street in front of the house where I would have been staying .....

I had not planned on weighing in this weekend. I was not able to get over to WW on Thursday to do it so I had resigned myself to the fact that for the first time in 6 months I would miss a weigh in....I will refer you to my opening lines as to why I was able to be in Montgomery and make my weigh in today.

I lost 1.5 lbs.

So to date

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss- 1.5 lb

Total Lost - 59.5 lbs

Todays Weight 321.5 lbs

I have a scratchy throat also ...Goodnight my friends.

No Ceiling

So......

It’s a myth that all overweight people suffer from low self-esteem more than the rest of the population.

In fact tests given to overweight folks have proven that obese individuals are just as mentally healthy (or unhealthy) as anyone else..... Theres no support for the idea that overeating is generally associated with poor mental or emotional health.

Quite the opposite, many slim people who were interviewed said they wouldn’t have the courage to go out if they were obese. They would simply stay at home and hide their faces.

Think about it..... you get up every morning... get out of bed and face the world head-on.

You accept strangers stares, children’s cruel comments and friends “helpful” advice.... all with a smile and grace.

You've recognized the inner demons that have put you in the state youre in, and you're doing something about it. You are getting your life in balance and perhaps providing emotional support for others who are also getting their lives in balance.

Here’s my point .... we are not weak.

Here’s my second point (and this may hurt a little):

We have got to get stronger.

We have got to get stronger because this is a long uphill climb and it will take its toll on you... both mentally and physically.

We have got to get stronger because time is not on our side, and Life will jump up and get in our faces.

We have got to get stronger because folks can look to us and maybe just maybe see hope and they wont be satisfied until we reach your goals.

We have each got our own ways of fighting this fight our own methods to this madness.

I joined Weight Watchers.... You may cut carbs... she may count calories.... he may swim 50 laps a day, folks may play basketball .

There is no one way...no right way....to get there from here.

But I often ask myself this simple question...Am I really doing all I can to succeed?

If you can honestly say yes then God bless you....But I would guess you would be in the vast minority on this one....I know this is going to sound maybe crazy coming from a guy who has been touting his weight loss for the past 8 months but I am still not doing EVERYTHING I could be doing ....I need to be more serious about this if I am planning on finding the untimate success.

I need to shift it into high gear and start getting it done and I mean like today.

The real results aren’t going to happen for me until I buckle down even more . Until I go all in... get serious.

There is a lion on my right bicep area of my arm. Its a tattoo of course.....but some days that lion in my heart, and he’s roaring and pissed at the fat that I’ve added to myself over the years by being stupid and lazy. My being overweight roars at me everyday.

I yell at myself at times at the choices that allowed me to put my own health and future in jeopardy.

So I am going to start listening to this lion more ...he is roaring at me every day filling my spirit with determination and reminding me that this is my time. He is pushing me to run crazy with this weight loss thing and to jump at this AMAZING chance to reclaim my life.

This journey is not for the weak....it is for the strong-willed. I know I have what it takes to lose another 60 or 100 pounds......Why in the world would I not ??

AND...my title tonight was a suggestion from my great friend Clay...former youth and wonderful friend. Thanks bud for your continued support.

I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.

So......

First of all a slight move away tonight from my regular blog post titles to pay tribute to my favorite president of all time. FDR's bday would have been today ...The title is one of his quotes

My friends...I am very tired on this saturday evening. This blog will be SHORT...
Had a long two days at work but I did manage to sneak away today and go weigh in for the week ...
I lost .5 lb this week ...a low number but a loss is a loss is a loss. I get losing .5lbs but its still a weird number for me to wrap my head around ...I will take it but its just out there for me ...

So To date

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss- .5 lb

Total Lost - 58 lbs

Todays Weight 323 lbs

Thats all I got today except ...Goodnight my friends.

God Save The Queen

So.......

Blogging is dead. No doubt about that ....Its as dead as a doornail. Going the way of the Dodo bird...Extinct. Many folks in my friends circle have predicted this for a while now and yup...Its official now.....but I am thinking it's just dead amoung my close friend group because I read tons of other blogs that are updated on a regular basis.
I am sad because I really enjoy blogging during the week. So my struggle is this ...do I admit defeat and join the bandwagon and shut down my blog. Put up a "Closed" sign on the door and ride off into the Twitter sunset? Here's my thing...in a short while something will come along that will of course replace Twitter. Its going to happen, right ?
I am sticking around for a couple more months to see what happens .....

Oh, it is probably the amount of sodium you had!"
Salt!!

I am as guilty as the next person for sometimes finding a reason behind my gain or my lack of motivation to excercise.
Folks blame salt... Not the decisions, but salt...
To lose weight you have to be honest.
To lose weight you have to not make excuses.
To lose weight dedication is important, but even more important is making sacrifices.

There are gyms all over montgomery .
There are nine million free weight loss websites to help motivate people.
95% of food has nutritional information on it.
You Tube has tons of workout videos.
Libraries have diet and fitness books.
We can cry and whine and tell ourselves life is not fair.
Guess what, you are right.
We can say the economy sucks. Guess what, it does.
But before we blame salt or lack of water for our weight gain We first have to blame ourselves.

See, losing weight is not hard.
It is not hard once we realize that we can do it. Once we realize that it is okay to make a bad decision, but lets not fool ourselves into thinking that decision was a good one.

Be honest, look at your decisions from the past week.
And go from there.

My Life Would Suck Without You

So.....

With this post I now have more blog posts than what I weigh.

I am happy with the progress I have made. Yay.

Rank Strangers To Me

So.....

Sometimes I sit down to write this blog and think..."Who really wants to hear me go on about my weight loss?" but then I remember that this is part of my accountability so here I sit .After a week of worrying about all the crap I put in my body at Lake Junaluska last weekend I actually went on Friday and weighed in and managed to lose 2.5lbs!
So to date....

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss- 2.5 lb

Total Lost - 57.5 lbs

Todays Weight 323.5 lbs

Also I am pleased that to date I have lost 4 pants sizes. I got new pants at Christmas and am taking them this week to have them taken down one size. I am looking forward to the day in the very near future when I can go get pants at a place like Sams. Sams, you say ? Yes Sams...they have name brand stuff and its incredibly cheap...But their sizes only go up to a certain point BUT I am almost there....
Some older dress shirts are starting to hang weird and not look right when I am wearing them...
These are all VERY GOOD THINGS ...

Having said that I found this on a site and thought it was funny so I thought I would share tonight ...Enjoy.

Childhood obesity represents one of our greatest health challenges, so with that in mind, I’m suggesting a few edits in some of the most popular children’s literature to address the subject head-on…

The Adventures of Skinny-the-Pooh
Not-So-Little Women
The Very, Really, Really, Enormously Hungry Caterpillar
The Runaway Belly
Guess How Much I Love Ham
The Cat in the Fat
Where the Wide Things Are
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Diet
Oh, The Pizzas You'll Eat
The Velvetta Rabbit
The Little Engine That Could… But Never Did
Anna Rexia
Mike Mulligan And His Steamed Veggies
Pippi Wrongsnacking
Furious Gorge
Amelia Bread-elia
Binge to Terabithia
Chocolate’s Web
The Liar, the Scale, and the Wardrobe
The Boxcarb Children
Sarah, Plain,Tall & Fat
James and the Giant Pouch
Roll of Belly, Hear My Cry
Fatilda
Stuart Not-Too-Little

A Foggy Day

So.....

Its been a busy busy week for me so far....I was out of town last weekend with my youth group on a ski trip to western North Carolina. We had a blast but heres the deal...I am exhausted!! We got back Monday and usually by the following day aftr a big trip I am back to normal(whatever normal is) but not this time....I have been dragging my tail all week.
Not sure why I am not bouncing back but each day is the same ...TIRED !
Add to that we are planning our 60th Anniversay and Homecoming at Dalraida UMC and I am knee deep in helping to plan all that...should be a great day but by the time it gets here I might be sick of homecoming stuff....BUT I am pleased to be doing anything I can to help out ...I really do love my job !

I have been in the process of a massive detox of my body after eating the food served to us at Lake Junaluska last weekend ...Oh wow that is some terrible processed food if I ever say any ...
Just nothing good about it ....I did manage to eat salads but the rest of the meals we had were pretty terrible. Been lots and lots of water this week but I have a bad feeling about weigh in this coming weekend ....not sure why but its just a feeling. Your body knows.

Someone sent me this the other day ....You have to write down 17(random I know) things that make you happy in a secret sorta way ...Here goes ...

1. Archie Comics from the 70s and 80s
2. Old telephones. Heavy loud ones.
3. Walking when its bitter cold outside.
4. The Beverly Hillbillies.....My all time favorite line on that show was when the Clampetts went to England and Jethro wanted to be a knight..."What's your name?"..."Jethro"....What's your surname?"...."Sir Jethro" HAHA
5. Pack Place.
6. Making up lyrics to well known songs.
7. The smells of Thanksgiving day.
8. A well delivered joke.
9. Giving a good gift.
10. Making folks laugh.
11. Looking at old pictures.
12. Picking up my nephews from school.
13. The british accent on my Garmin GPS.
14. Old christmas decorations.
15. McRae Meadows at Grandfather Mountain.
16. New shoes or boots.
17. Being at the beach during cooler weather.

If you got anything you would like to share ...Please do ...

Anything You Can Do

So.....

Weighed in today since I will be out of town till Monday afternoon. I managed to lose another pound this past week.....so as it stands today

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss- 1 lb

Total Lost - 55 lbs

Todays Weight 327 lbs

Yeah ...I am pleased with that ....

One of the things I keep getting asked over and over and over again is how hard is it to do without things that you like ??

Well, its difficult cutting things that are fatty,greasy,cheesy and gooey from your diet. It really is difficult for those of us who love our food like that...

I mean who wants to go without ?? Specially in America....We are taught from an early age that the we have the world on a string and if you want to hit up Taco Bell or Krystals late and night and fill your bodies with heart aching and stopping crud then go for it ...I will eat this today and worry about it tomorrow ...Right ?

Its difficult to modify and cut but not impossible!

Sweets, salty snacks, sugar filled sodas....Sometimes you find that its easier and better to go without than to try and fit them into your new lifestyle. Especially early on in your weight loss journey.

Some folks say that they cant deprive themselves of the things they love....I would say that we are depriving ourselves a healthy future that we deserve. But we often slink back into that mode of "its just too hard ...poor me"
We would all be suprised to see how easily our lives would change and adapt if we did without....

It would require some planning as with anything but if planned right anything is within reach...

We find that planning is crucial in living a new healthy life...We are just so used to crap filled things going into our bodies. The food industry is doing a much better job of providing us with things that are good for us but its still not as easy as we would like it to be ...

but you know what ? You can buy fruit and veggies at any grocery store !!!

We area hard wired a certain way but once we start replacing and push the mad mad craving out of our minds we begin to live a better life...We will worry a bit to begin with but soon our minds will join us on our mission.

So is it hard to do ??

Yeah, its not the easiest thing in the world but its hard being overweight and unhealthy for the rest of my life...I am TIRED of that

Is it uphill? 'scuse my language here but HELL YEAH !!

Is it within my grasp and yours too ?? Well, HELL YEAH !!

And guess what ??

Its totally worth it !!

Hello My Baby

So......

This has been a stress filled last few days ....I will not even begin to go into all the details but needless to say that capping off today with car troubles ending having an alternator replaced on my car was just blech.
Having said that I have been rather emotional the last few days for some reason. I know some of yall are thinking EMOTIONAL!?!?! Yeah....I get emotional from time to time and the last few days have been tough for me....
As a result I have wanted to eat. This has never been like me ...I dont really eat when I am going through something but the last couple days have had me craving things like big juicy cheeseburgers....french fries covered in ketchup and YES mayo!!
I am working past it and have had alot of help from MRS L....but its still been tough. I am in some ways glad to have this chance to work through this time cause it tests me in some ways....I can understand better what works and does not work for me. At the end of the day I am going to take this as a great learning experience.

and now a little off topic
Haiti .....
I cannot even begin to imagine living in THE poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere and then having your entire life literally crumble out from under you in a matter of 30 seconds. I am really sickened by what we are seeing on the TVs tonight in regards to possible death tolls and property destruction.
My prayers are with those folks affected by this earthquake

Don't Worry Bout Me

So........

Today was weigh in and am pleased to announce that I managed to lose 3.5lbs this past week. After a gain over the two week prior to that I am happy to perhaps be on track with losing weight again. Up or down though I am here for the long haul. Here are the numbers as of today ...

Starting Weight - 381 lbs
Todays loss- 3.5lb
Total Lost - 54 lbs
Todays Weight 328 lbs

Drinking. Most if not all of us have had a drink of some kind in our lives. Some of us love to go to a social event and have a drink in our hand. The feel of the glass and the feel of the warm as it flows down your throat.
I am no stranger to having a drink from time to time. I am no lush by any standards. But for almost the last 6 months I have almost completly stopped drinking. I can almost count on one hand how many times I have had a drink since August. Over the holidays I was at a party and I swear to you I maybe had two swallows of a beer. Thats it.
I would rather just go without at this point in my life....I am not saying that I will never again have a drink but when you sit and look at the points associated with drinking on the WW diet system its just not worth it to me anymore.
This will perhaps cause a little awkwardness in social settings from time to time. Being the guy who does not drink sometimes gets you a weird look.....I am ok with that too.

So I sit here a few short months away from my 36th Birthday....Living a cleaner life in regards to my eating and consumption of foods.
Its a good place to be ...

How Are Ya' Fixed For Love

So......

I am a decently smart guy ....It might take me a while to figure out the instructions to a shelf I bought at IKEA but eventually I get it together(it also helps to not follow the swedish instructions)

I have been on a weight loss "journey" for almost 5.5 months.
Its been great.
Has it been easy ? Nope.
Has it been fun? Sometimes.
Will I continue? Heck Yeah.
Will I offer encouragment to others? Yes, If I feel like its the right thing to do in the right situation.
Do I have all the answers ? Well of course!!! Ha not really ...but I do have a wee lil bit on insight that I did not have 6 months ago...

Having said all that I have found that in my life its a good thing to surround yourself with folks that are....

1. Supporters. In ANY circumstance.
2. Smarter than me.

I get a few blogs and tweets from other folks also on a weight loss journey of some kind....Some have lost HUNDREDS of pounds and others have lost a couple of pounds. Some of their advice is below ....

............"As I journeyed to lose 158 pounds, I learned that it’s important to learn to say ‘no’. Saying ‘yes’ to cakes and pies is easy, but learning to say ‘no’ to foods you don’t want or need is very freeing and empowering.” –Diane

.............“If you keep going on & off a ‘diet’ (which by the way is NOT a lifestyle change for life), you’ll never learn to ‘listen’ or understand your body and how it reacts to certain food choices AND exercise. I have been able to keep this up so long and keep it off because I LISTEN TO MY BODY AND MAKE CHANGES BASED ON WHAT MY BODY AND LIFE ARE TELLING ME. Each choice I’ve made is one I know I can live with lifelong or until my bod tells me otherwise.” – Jody

..............“Pick your ‘perfect’.” – Tony

...............“If I could pass along one ‘here’s the answer to all the fitness/healthy living stuff that ails ya’ tip, it would be simply one word: CONSISTENCY. The key for both losing and maintaining is moving. Consistently. Every day. Day in day out. Year in year out. People consistently ask me how many hours I workout a day and seem not to want to believe how little exercise I do (30 minutes pretty much every day, ranging from traditional exercise to vigorous dance parties with my daughter). I am simply consistent and that, in my opinion, is the key. I move every day. In some fashion. No matter how busy I am. No matter what else is happening in my life. No matter what silly form my movement may need to take to squeeze it in. Day in day out. Year in year out. Consistently.”– Carla

................“Do it out of love, not punishment.”

................“I discovered the sure path to permanent weight loss is to find out why you eat and solve that. Otherwise, that wicked "why" comes back to haunt you like bad Halloween candy hiding in your sock drawer. Once solved, that "why" will leave your life and take the bad candy with it.” –Pat

................“The two most important elements for success? Self-honesty and consistency. You have to be very real with yourself and your habits. You have to accept responsibilty for every choice you make. Understanding the power of a choice is so critical---when you realize this, get super honest with yourself---and protect your journey by giving it a super high importance level---and realize consitency is key. Well, how can you fail? You can't. Success is yours for the taking!” – Sean Anderson

...............“Typical NY resolution: massive changes and maybe a cleanse diet. Embrace logic instead: make small changes that you can live with forever” –David Kirchhoff, President & CEO, Weight Watchers Intl

I weigh in tomorrow after a slight gain the last two weigh ins.....Hoping for a loss tomorrow but prepared for anything

See yall then !!

Stuck In The Middle Again

So.....

I went to the doctor today to get refills on much needed medicines. It was not a fun time.
You see heres the deal ...I dont like a doctors office. Not that many folks out there line up once a day just to get into them but I dont handle the situation very good at all.
If I have a planned appointment then i usually get nervous the night before....I get nervous on the drive over ...I am anxious in the waiting room area. Sitting between folks hacking up their lungs is not my idea of fun .... I can't sit still once I am back in the room before said examination. I pace...open drawers...look in cabinets....look out the window...look in drawers again....think about stealing some tounge depressors.....wonder if I could get the contents of a whole jar of gauze pads in my pocket....wish I could use the ear thing to look down into my own ears...I am a wreck.
Today was really no different. I finally got back to the room a good 30 minutes after my prescribed appointment time....get in and nothing. No vitals are taken. The doc comes in and asks me if anyone took my BP, temp, etc...and I say no they did not...now she looked a little cheesed off. She leave the room and comes back with the stuff and does it all....
Clearly at this point the morning she is not having a great day....
My blood pressure was high ....144/92. She starts telling me I need to lose weight to get that down some more and in fact one of the best ways to lower high BP is to go on a diet.
Let me add this here ....I have been without my BP medicine for at least a week so I am pretty sure not taking PLUS the added stress of just being there to get refills made my pressure be higher than normal
I proceed to tell her that I am actually on a diet and ahve been since August and have lost over 50lbs....Almost like turning a light on her whole attitude changed. She says THAT'S FANTASTIC...!!!! Then she proceeds to tell me that she has recently also lost about 60lbs. We start talking about stuff and by the time I left we were both smiling and swapping stories.
Maybe she should have taken my pressure again to see if it had some down any ....
A doctors appointment that made me smile ....go figure !

At This Moment

So.....

Here are some things I really need to improve on in the year 2010

• My sleep. I dont sleep very good. I will go nights without actually sleeping through the night. I wake up often but I dont ever really get to sleep. I have talked to friends and family and the consensus is that I need to have a sleep test done. I will do that soon.
• My finances. I need to get out of any and all debt that I am in.
• Eat more fruit. I eat a good bit now but not nearly the amounts that I should. I go to the store and buy large amounts of fruit and veggies and then they go in the bin of doom and then next thing I know I am throwing out A LOT of stuff.
• Eat organic. Its going to be a costly affair to begin with but I have yet to read or see anything that says organic is not better for you. One recent research showed that regular foods processed in normal processing conditions might actually cause you to GAIN weight.Thats not something I am looking to do in 2010...Gain weight. I will start small with my organic ways and gradually add things in as I can.
• Create weekly menus. I know there is a website out there where you can go and plan a menu around your weight watchers and then print off the recipes,buying lists and point values for everything. This sounds like something I would like.
• Encourage more.
• Lower blood Pressure. I am feeling that this is the year I can stop taking my meds for this ...we shall see.

I am glad that I am on the right track with things and am excited about where I am headed.

Auld Lang Syne

So.....

Its January 2, 2010 and here I sit weighing considerably less than I did 5 months ago ....I went today to weigh in and gained 2lbs. I am ok. I did not pass out. I managed to keep it together. There was no crying or gnashing of teeth. The walls did not come tumbling down. There are going to be days like this ...I know that. I am ok with it too ...

So as of today ....

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays gain- 2lb

Total Lost - 50.5 lbs

Todays Weight 331.5 lbs

You see I said from the beginning that I was taking a whole new approach to things ...I am not going to dwell on why or why not. I am not going to second guess all week what I might have done LAST week. Tomorrow is a new day and it begins anew ....

I count my points and drink my water. I excercise. I even started back trying to take vitamins.

And you know what ....2010 is gonna be the best ever. "The best is yet to come" as Francis Albert would say ....

I have had many many folks ask me about my plans as far as weight loss goes ....How much do I want to lose? The number I am shooting for is 230lbs. Weird story but thats the number....

Its a LONG TERM GOAL and today in our WW meeting we talked about short term goals....Little things that keep us going. I can see 230 in my mind but I can see ramping up my exercise as a short term goal. I can see myself buying some new clothes as a short term goal.

I could list a lot of things here ....

But I know this ...there are some grey areas in weight loss...There is nothing that is "black and white"

There could be one person who weighs 200 pounds who would say "How did I get to this enormous weight" and then there will be someone like me, who throws their hands in the air and says "I am done being out of shape and overweight"

There are some who believe frozen dinners are the way to go and others who think they are a waste of money.

Some people lose weight by working out at home, some by going to the gym, and some do not even work out at all.

Some need the support of blogs and bloggers, and others could care less.

Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone has lost weight differently.There is no such thing as a "perfect diet" or a "right or wrong plan".

I have learned this during the last 5 months after speaking to folks and reading TONS.

I have changed aspects of my life and I will say one thing about weight loss....Do not ever say you do not care.

I am inspired by my friend ELucas who lost and has maintained....and yes I am inspired by those folks on The Biggest Loser. I want to be that inspiration one day ....I care.

A poor decision will not ruin you ...Not caring will. I care

So what will 2010 bring for me besides my continued road to better health. ....

Maybe I should be less annoying

Maybe I should post more about trees and the environment

Maybe I should fly to visit friends more.

Maybe I should take off a couple of weeks

Maybe I should make a lot of money

Maybe I should just keep on moving forward.

I have said it on Facebook and Twitter and to any person that will listen to me ....2010 is going to be an amazing year and I am glad to have you all along as fellow travellers.