Sunday, March 28, 2010

I Whistle A Happy Tune


Who else out there is trying to wrap their minds around the fact that Easter is in ONE WEEK ?!?!?
I have mentioned before that sometimes working in a church takes something out of celebrating significant holidays. The Christmas season is just a blur at times....Working in a church you tend to get invited to EVERYTHING!! And while the sentiment is very very nice it sometimes leaves you feeling stretched very thin throughout the time from Thanksgiving to New Years. During the Lenten season you are helping plan events for Lenten Sunday services and on the nights of those services you dont really have a chance to slow down and actually enjoy said services.
Palm Sunday and Holy Week will also be a bit of a blur with end of the week breakfasts,Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter egg hunts at the church Saturday and then a full day on Easter Sunday.
I LOVE my job ...i really really do but again sometimes be so directly involved with things takes a bit of the punch out of things....Anyway.

I weighed in on Saturday and for the first time since i started this journey something happened....I did not lose and I did not gain. So I will call that a good weigh in!!

So to date

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss/Gain - 0.0 lb

Total Lost - 60.5 lbs

Todays Weight 320.5 lbs

I also spent most of Saturday outside at the air show out at Maxwell AFB here in montgomery. Spending all that time outside has sent my sinues into overdrive. I mean its amazing how out of whack they are today ...
I hope yall all have an amazing Holy Week.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Gentle On My Mind

I found the list of things below and they made me chuckle. It goes along the line that you play mind games with yourself about food and excercise ...Please enjoy

You = Godzilla. Baby carrots = screaming Asians.

Give yourself a point every time you don’t eat a corn chip.

You’ll get a better workout from a highly motivated personal trainer, so before
your session, inform your PT that you just keyed up his or her car.

Think of yourself as a real-life Ms. Pac-Man; you should eat healthy food (like cherries) and go running every day (so ghosts don’t catch and kill you).

Every time you get an email, drink an 8 oz. glass of water.

Imagine that fresh ripe succulent fruit is something delicious instead.

Work out with your imaginary friend Sergio and his pet Chihuahua Miss Tizzy.

Run a mile every time you use a swear word.

It’s more exciting if you think of your salad as actually being in 3-D

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Penny Lover


This will be a short blog since I am at work and needing to get some other things done besides blogging but I did have a free moment .....
I lost this past weekend...3lbs!!
So to date ....

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss- 3.0 lb

Total Lost - 60.5 lbs

Todays Weight 320.5 lbs

I am working on a longer post and hope to have it up soon ...yall have a great day

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Taking Chances


Its been a couple of busy weeks for me....Really a couple of busy few days but no excuse for not posting last weekend after my weigh in. I gained ...again....and as I have said it happens during this long process. I am not discourged. I am not down but I am wondering "whats next"?

So to date....

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays gain- 2.0 lb

Total Lost - 57.5 lbs

Todays Weight 323.5 lbs

I have done some reading and of course all signs point to the fact that I am on a plateau of some kind. I am counting my points. I am making pretty decent decisions about the food that I eat. When I do go off the grid I do my very best to figure the points and to figure them into my daily allowance. I am excercising not enough,but I am....

My body has finally figured out that I am doing something different and has FINALLY reacted to it ...I understand.

My next step is to see the folks at the gym and consider hiring that personnal trainer. For a few months at least.

I need to jump start things again and this is what I am going to do ....

Wish me luck

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A Hard Days Night


This is hard work, isnt it?

Day in and day out.... battling against all types of temptation, against time and good intentioned people, against the inner demons that would see you fail in this quest to remake yourself.
Each day is its own challenge..... that is what Ive found as Ive baby-stepped my way through nearly 9 months of eating a little less... eating a little healthier and trying to make exercise a daily part of my life.
Some days I feel like I am on top of the world and that continuing my good work will be nothing short of playing a simple child like game. Every meal satisfies me in some way and every time i do excercise in some way I feel so much better.
I try not question my plan or myself.
I make my way through the day with pride and with purpose.I am on track.Those are the good days.
Then there are the times where I wake up wondering when the backslide is going to happen.... when that messed-up part of my brain will begin dragging me back into the hole that I sometimes find myself looking into....
I get hungry and feel weak. My excercising feels like wading through wet cement.
I wonder if I’ve got the strength and the stamina to keep doing what Im doing.
I feel lost, alone, afraid......Those are the better days. Crazy huh?
They are the better days because I work my way through those patches.... and I wind up a little stronger in the process.
I get through those days and I realize that there is no stopping me now....
No quitting on this journey.
No going back this time......I am on a great adventure.
I dont know how things are going for you right now.... but I suspect you are having the same mix of good days and not-so-good days as I am......times when it seems easy as pie...times when it seems tougher than nails.

I encourage you to take the good times as they come and enjoy just how good they can be. Rejoice in the wonderful sensation of saying “no” and pat yourself on the back for all the good decisions you make during the course of a day. All of this can apply to anything in your life ...for me its food and my journey with it.
Celebrate the incredible feeling of a well earned sweat or a mini-goal attained.
As for those rough times? Grit your teeth and get through them with as much grace and good will as you can manage. It does not have to be pretty....doesnt have to be textbook.
Just stumble through it as best you can and keep in mind that no one… and I repeat no one… gets through this without suffering setbacks and detours.

It just DOES NOT happen.

I firmly believe that we will make it to where we are headed......I know I will and I suspect you will too. We have simply come too far to turn back..... experienced too much to be satisfied with giving anything other than our very best effort.
No matter what kind of day it turns out to be, I have faith that we… you and I … will make it through it just fine.

Saturday, March 06, 2010

Long Nights


It was bound to happen I guess.....Usually if I know that I will be out of town or busy on Saturday and not able to make it to a weigh in then I will go on Friday. Well, this week I found myself busy on both days and was not able to make it Friday or Saturday. This is a first for me....Missing a weigh in !
We had our HUGE yard sale at the church on Saturday and it required me to be there all morning for that.....add to this that on Friday I was running around getting stuff for said yard sale and well I just did not make it by Weight Watchers.
It happens. I have to admit it was kinda weird not weighing in for the first time since last August 7.

If you know me then you know that I DO NOT SLEEP. Have not for years ...anyway this past week has found me with a cold of some kind and that has added to the problem. On Thursday night I took some medicine that WIRED me up instead of soothing me into a NyQuil slumber.
I think I got about 3 hours of sleep and add to that on Friday night I slept at the church and got another solid 3 hours.
Its now 11:20pm on Saturday night and you would think I would be dead asleep but nope...I am sitting here updating my blog.
So is my life I guess....

I will have updated numbers next week though ....thats a fact jack.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Dont Think Twice, Its Alright


Im scared of food.

I dont mean that Im terrified that Im going to get cornered in a dark alley and accosted by a pack of little debbie cakes.

I dont wake up 
in a cold sweat worried that there is a carrot cake beneath my bed waiting for an opportune time to pounce.

Im just afraid of the power food has on me. Even the idea of food messes with my mind at times.

In the past there have been many reasons for my overeating, and very few of them had anything to do with hunger or the need to fuel my body.

I ate because I was stressed.

Because I was bored.

Because it had become a habit and it was just something that was a part of who I was.

Because it made me happy... or at least that's what I told myself.

When I look at photographs of me at my worst, I question the idea that
a true transfer of happiness was ever part of the equation....something inside me told me it would make feel better even though every rational part of me knew it would only make me feel worse.

I dont trip up daily like I once did.... but I still stumble enough to give me pause... still fear dark clouds even though I keep a mostly 
sunny outlook on this journey.

But I like to think that its turned into a kind of healthy being afraid to gun it through an intersection in front of
 a speeding train or touching an electric wire to see if the juice is turned on.

Im scared of food and Im afraid Ill always be afraid.

However..... I can live with being afraid easier than I can live being the way I was.