Thursday, April 22, 2010


So.... yesterday...
it was all about food and triggers for me ....I thought about it a good bit...
For a long time I assumed I ate at times because that is how I handled my emotions.
I didnt go any deeper than that.
And for some people that is as deep as it goes. Food is their drug of choice.
Someone a good bit smarter than me once said
"The fat was an unfortunate by product of my food addiction"
I am paraphrasing here. The fat wasnt or isnt doing anything for people except causing folks pain.
Which is bad enough.
There are a lot of obese people for whom this post does not apply..
I am only addressing it here because it absolutely DOES apply to me and maybe a few others I know of.
But what if your not just an unfortunate byproduct....TRICKY huh!
You dont generally find this out till about mid way through your weight loss struggles.It will present itself in stealthy ways.
Say..a certain number.
If there is a certain number that you approach and then Boom you bloe it
red flag.
Your subconscious mind is sabatoging you...dollars to donuts.
200 is a number I often see in relation to this phenomenon.
Or for some it could be 250 or 300...That number means something to you.
That is a question only you can answer..
But here is the thing.
Sometimes it isnt a number.Sometimes its a happening.
This is the reason that for a long time...I couldnt pinpoint my trigger.It happened at all different weights.
Yes some of it was diet fatigue.
Some of it was wanting to eat and being hungry.

I tried to laugh it off.I fought through it.

You may not know the magnitude until you pull the food away.
This can make people not even try.
They fear trying because then they will have to pull this crap out and deal with it.
And when it comes right down to it.I don't think they fear the deprivation of limiting calories.
I think we all fear the knowledge of why we were using food in the first place...
and having that knowledge...then having to fix the crap thats wrong.

That can be life altering.
That can be very scary.
Obese people aren't stupid.

Your life isnt structured the way it is out of laziness.
There are reasons that are very logical.
The question is do you want change enough to upend your whole life to achieve it.
The pain of staying the same becomes worse than the pain of becoming who it is you know you are capable of being.
It may mean losing something...or someone.
It may mean that nearly everything other people love about you is a lie.
I am here to say irregardless of the pain it may cause you or others...It is worth it.
Its better living truthfully.
It is better knowing yourself.
It is better fixing the ugly parts.
Airing them out.
Kicking them in the @ss...and finally living a whole life.
I know because I am doing it.
And so can you.
It is making the choice to change and accepting whatever consequences those choices bring.
It is worth it...and so are you.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Open Your Heart


I am willing to change
I am loving and lovable and I find love everywhere
I am one with the power that created me and this power has given me the power to create my own circumstances
I listen with love to my bodies messages

Goodnight ...

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Time Well Wasted

"...The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith."
President Franklin D Roosevelt... From his last speech that he never gave on April 12,1945.

After being gone and out of pocket for the past three weeks I am back with good news to report. Easter Sunday and beverages on my recent trek to Western North Carolina and a little bit of emotional eating thrown in there I am happy to report that I did not gain a pound !! Did not lose either but thats Fantastic to me the numbers

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss/Gain - 0.0 lb

Total Lost - 60.5 lbs

Todays Weight 320.5 lbs

Tick tock, tick tock.

Do you feel the rush of time slipping by like I do? I felt it more acutely when I was at my heaviest(60+ pounds ago and still at it ) but even now I heardrums of the calendar and sometimes I feel incredibly cheated by the waste of all those lost days.

Thats exactly how I feel now....that days and weeks and months (and lets faceit… years) spent wrapped up in that uncomfortable and unfashionable suit of being overweight was time that I squandered and have no way of getting back.

I mourn those spring days when I couldnt run around and enjoy the breezy springtime... pity those once in a lifetime moments with my family and friends where I sat on the side and watched good times being enjoyed and rethink all those times I let my weight make me feel like less of a person than I was. I deeply regret that I felt defined by my greatest weakness.

Im thirty six(almost)now and once you start making that turn towards the back nine you grasp with a little more clarity the fact that we dont have all that much time on this earth. William Penn said "Time is what we want most, but... what we use worst." I think it sometimes takes a bit of gray hair up top of our heads to fully get a handle on that.

I play footbball(shocking I know) with some young guys at my church from time to time...and they often get tickled (and somewhat perplexed) by the fact that I can move as good as I can ... I tried to explain it to them like this: “Were all at Disney World on a bright sunny day. For you its 10 o’clock in the morning and youve got all the time in the world to do anything you want. For me its thirty minutes before the gates close and I want to get in every ride I possibly can.” I dont know how much longer I can run with the young dudes but I do know that at this point in my life I am now playing catch up. If I get a chance to play ball with them...I take it. I got alot of playing to catch up on...
I feel that way about the big picture too. About life. Theres quite a bit I still want to accomplish and up til now this weight has been a big roadblock holding me back. Maybe it has been for you too. For too many of us its the anchor that makes us give in to the hardships and the hopelessness. It makes life seem unfair when really weve simply been unfair to ourselves.

Thats hard to accept: we did this to ourselves.

I dont say all this to bring you remind you of your own mortality or your own shortcomings.

I say it because its time to shake things up time to remind ourselves that although we may have a very few number of days in this joint we have an infinite amount of possibilities a limitless number of things which we might accomplish if we set our mind and our heart and our will to it.

I have been thinking over some other major changes in my life that will possibly dramatically effect/affect(I never know)all all aspects of my life. My relationships, my job, my income....but most importanly My future.

I dont know if Ill achieve everything I want to achieve or accomplish everything I set out to do from here on out. Chances are....I wont.

But heres the wont be the weight that stops me anymore.

I have said it over and over on here ...this is a brand new day my friends. A new day filled with all kinds of promise all kinds of possibility. Theres not a diet tip or weight loss secret I could share with you here that would be of any more use any more important than this simple phrase.... times a’wastin.

Get busy and get yourself in check. Take the steps you need to take to reclaim your body your health your life. Its the most important thing youll ever do because its the foundation for everything else you want to do.....everything else you want to be.

Do it today...because tomorrow will be here in less than a blink and you dont want to be that person who looks back and wonders what they could have had...what they should have done...what they would have been.

It's time to get going.

Tick tock, tick tock.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

The Prayer


No weigh in last weekend due to work schedules. So as of today I still consider myself as staying the same.
The good news is that this afternoon I had the chance to go walking with a great friend and during said walk we jogged a bit....Yeah, I jogged.
Say a prayer for my legs and knees ...