Sunday, February 28, 2010

It Is Well With My Soul


It was one of those weeks last week.

A Birthday party for a dear dear friend. A night spent celebrating at our favorite place to sit down for a meal and drinks. A night spent telling stories...laughing....getting to know your closest friends even better. This brought up a question later in the week though ....In 20-25 years when we are sitting around with the grown up Harper, Lily,Campbell, RML and any other kids that are to come...Will there be a Sinclairs ? Odds are NO there will not be ....The places that our parents enjoyed are gone with the wind....Igors(the old good Igors, not that crap on the bypass that is not anything like what Igors was in the day ) The Elite(yes my parents ate at The Elite...yours ?) Dale's Penthouse (pre-fire)....Will we be sitting at some new place talking about "remember when we used to sit at Sinclairs till closing?"

So anyway back to the week that was ...

A week of not excercising like I should regrets. I decided when I started this journey that I would not have regrets of any kind.....I would stumble, I would fall on my face from time to time but at the end of the day if I regretted anything then I really believe that it could and WOULD lead to more failure. It would lead me to get into a game of second guessing....It would lead me down a dangerous path of WHAT IFS....

I recognize that I am human and will stumble from time to time and thats what makes this time different than the other times....I am more informed in my decision making. I am wiser (with age) or at least I really think I am ....

I gained this week and for about the last two months I have been stuck in a cycle....gain two one week and then lose three the next....gaine one and then lose two. Up and down back and forth.

Am I upset at myself ....Hardly. Am I frustrated....a little.

I am very certain that very soon I am going to break free of this cycle and get back onto losing on a regular basis until I hit another low point in the cycle....Its part of the game. I get it .

So the numbers tonight ....

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays gain- 2.0 lb

Total Lost - 59.5 lbs

Todays Weight 321.5 lbs

I am looking forward to my next week which actually begins my 30th week going to Weight Watchers....

Have a great week yall !!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Anchors Away

When Spanish Conquistador Hernando “I carry diseases yall have never heard of ” Cortez landed in Mexico in 1519 he gave a startling order: “Burn the ships.”

Some historians argue that he just didnt want to pay the high docking fees at the marina but most have come to the conclusion that he was committed to his mission that he didnt want to allow his men (or himself) the option of returning to Spain... the option of failure.

I have started thinking thinking that this approach to my weight loss might be a good idea ...... Im getting rid of excuses that get in my path, and Im chasing away temptations that I know are just too difficult for me to resist.

I used to buy snacks for my nephews that, more often than not, I would wind up munching on while watching TV.

Burn the chips.

The fridge at church is sometimes stocked with sweet tea and creamy dips.

Burn the dips and tea.

I found myself eating sweet right before bedtime.

Burn the treats.

It seems that sometimes I find myself making poor choices at restaruants.

Burn the menus.

Not one person out there is made of steel........ We cannot resist temptation indefinitely.

What we can do is take away as many of the hurdles and enticements that get in the way of our weight loss success as we possibly can.

If you say you can eat those sweet delicious foods on just the weekend or maybe when out with friends at dinner you are setting yourself up for trouble....When you start making deals with yourself over food, it’s time to burn the ships.....Your family wont like it if you quit buying ice cream? Well heres the big shocker .....theyll get over it. My nephews are crushed because I stopped bringing home their favortite cookies..... those boats have been torched..... along with the excuses. And you know what ? My nephews are now enjoying eating the low fat ice cream and weight watchers cookies and snacks. You learn to change and adapt especially when you see that you need to do it for your well being.

Maybe more important than the temptations youve got to take away the excuses that make taking care of yourself less of a priority than taking care of all the other areas of your existence,all the other duties and responsibilities that fill your days.

This is your life, and its high time that you give yourself the opportunity to be the person you want to be, that you know deep down you’re on the road to becoming.

Burn the ships.

Get rid of anything and everything that could possibly cause you to fail.

Burn the ships.

Take every excuse off the table, and leave every cop-out and justification out back with the trash. Leave yourself no choice but to succeed… and dont be surprised when thats what you do.

Against all odds, Cortez’s men conquered the Aztecs and were victorious where others had been unsuccessful for six centuries.

Its hard to open the fridge door when your backs against the wall.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Baby You Belong To Me


Went today to weigh in since I have work stuff tomorrow morning and am pleased with my loss of 4lbs this week. And according to my numbers here I am now above the 60lbs lost mark AND below 320 in total body weight.
I am pleased....Especially considering that I ate pretty crappy at the Homecoming thing at church last weekend.
Anyway ....downwards I go...
Have a great weekend

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss- 4.0 lb

Total Lost - 61.5 lbs

Todays Weight 319.5 lbs

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Too Much


I found this list of IFs online ...enjoy.

If you dance at a concert and the band skips, you might have a weight problem.

If your double chin has a double chin, you might have a weight problem.

If your favorite thing to eat on cookies is frozen cookie dough, you might have a weight problem.

If you direct-deposit your paycheck to the break room vending machine, you might have a weight problem.

If they recognize your voice when you call to order a pizza, you might have a weight problem.

If you’re a member of the Ham-of-the-Month Club, you might have a weight problem.

If you have to iron your pants on the driveway, you might have a weight problem.

If you put gravy on your Raisin Bran, you might have a weight problem.

If you eat dinner at a fast-food joint and then swing by the drive thru on your way out of the parking lot, you might have a weight problem.

Sometimes.....this blog seems to take on a life of its own. It seems to write itself and other times I find something online that I feel like sharing and I post it here as I have done with the IFs above.

And sometimes its odd how often people will comment that they really needed that laugh today or really needed that call to arms today or really needed that swift kick in the butt today.

Here is my justification for the silly posts..... we are in this for the long haul ... you and me.

Were going to be here for quite some time… or at least thats the plan.

I dont want to bark at you or lecture you or even inspire you seven days a week but I wouldnt mind you thinking about this journey were on EVERY DAY. Some days, I think it’s okay that we just laugh at ourselves and laugh at this crazy situation that weve somehow put ourselves in.

To me, this isnt one of those “you gotta laugh to keep from crying” situations either..... It just feels good to laugh sometimes and when youre on a long trip like we are.... when youre pushing yourself to do something that feels even bigger than you’s VERY nice to enjoy a light-hearted moment every so often.

Goodnight my friends....

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Almost Like Being In Love


I gained today. It happens. You lose. You gain. You worry about it and you forget about it. You move on. Kinda like snow....You worry it might be bad and roads will close and you think the end of the world is upon us but tonight...hardly a flake of snow remins. Meanwhile the Mid Atlantic states are still digging out of the storm that hit LAST weekend.
So I gained today and honestly I cant put a finger on what was the main thing that caused me to go up this week. I know I am stressed with work right now because of a big event coming up tomorrow (Feb 14) so maybe it was the stress and the fact that I did not excercise this week like i should have. No excuse really ...I just gained.
It seems for the last few weeks I have been caught in the 50-60lbs lost range. Thats a good place to be caught I say !!
Anyway ...Moving on
So to date ....

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays Gain- 2.0 lbs

Total Lost - 57.5 lbs

Todays Weight 323.5 lbs

Thats all i got tonight folks ...I am whipped for some reason

Monday, February 08, 2010

Dont Panic


I think I give people the wrong idea.
I have mentioned before my motivation to getting into better shape being a picture that was made of me back in August.
Yet that was not the only thing that motivated me .....
The hardest part about being obese is that I never really appreciated the great life I had and have.
I always short-changed myself.
I never really appreciated my wonderful friends or great family I have.
I never thought about the friends that truly cared about me or having a the job that pushed me...and made me take the lives of others into my own hands.
I never appreciated that McDonalds had a healthy menu, or that most restaurant booths are made for people up to 300 pounds.
I never appreciated that Dillards carried pants that were size 52 and I never appreciated that if I were to ever email Weight Watchers they would have given me a membership just to see me lose weight(its true).
Why would I. I was 381 pounds. None of that applied to me. none of that catered to me.I made my Hell.
I never blamed myself for all the crap that I ate.
I never blamed myself for the poor choices I made......It was societys fault....BUT once I started to lose the weight, things started to make sense.
I truly appreciated the beauty of my life.

My job has gotten better.
McDonalds is not Satan.
Airlines did not hate me.
Booths are better than tables....

I do have advice you have not heard.....
I can help some and annoy others.

1. Society is not to blame for my or your weight gain.
2. Gaining weight one week is not a lifetime failure.
3. My life and yours is better than you think.
4. There are always people who are heavier than I am.
5. There are always people who are lighter than Iam.
6. The meanest people are the same ones that will hug you when you succeed.
7. Saying NO is sexy.
8. There is no such thing as a limited time food. The McRib has been around for years and chocolate candy or chips and dip will always be there to comfort you.
9. After losing weight, will have to look at yourself in the mirror and be happy.
10. I have to want it.....
and number 11....Do not short-change yourself....always refer to number 3.

Goodnight my friends....

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Baby, Its Cold Outside


I was supposed to be out of town this weekend. I was supposed to be in Baltimore. Yeah, Baltimore....the town that saw epic snowfall from Friday to Saturday night. The area digging out of nearly 30 inches of snow.

My flight was cancelled so go for me. But I have a plane ticket and a chance to go back perhaps after Easter. The picture at the top is the street in front of the house where I would have been staying .....

I had not planned on weighing in this weekend. I was not able to get over to WW on Thursday to do it so I had resigned myself to the fact that for the first time in 6 months I would miss a weigh in....I will refer you to my opening lines as to why I was able to be in Montgomery and make my weigh in today.

I lost 1.5 lbs.

So to date

Starting Weight - 381 lbs

Todays loss- 1.5 lb

Total Lost - 59.5 lbs

Todays Weight 321.5 lbs

I have a scratchy throat also ...Goodnight my friends.

Monday, February 01, 2010

No Ceiling


It’s a myth that all overweight people suffer from low self-esteem more than the rest of the population.

In fact tests given to overweight folks have proven that obese individuals are just as mentally healthy (or unhealthy) as anyone else..... Theres no support for the idea that overeating is generally associated with poor mental or emotional health.

Quite the opposite, many slim people who were interviewed said they wouldn’t have the courage to go out if they were obese. They would simply stay at home and hide their faces.

Think about it..... you get up every morning... get out of bed and face the world head-on.

You accept strangers stares, children’s cruel comments and friends “helpful” advice.... all with a smile and grace.

You've recognized the inner demons that have put you in the state youre in, and you're doing something about it. You are getting your life in balance and perhaps providing emotional support for others who are also getting their lives in balance.

Here’s my point .... we are not weak.

Here’s my second point (and this may hurt a little):

We have got to get stronger.

We have got to get stronger because this is a long uphill climb and it will take its toll on you... both mentally and physically.

We have got to get stronger because time is not on our side, and Life will jump up and get in our faces.

We have got to get stronger because folks can look to us and maybe just maybe see hope and they wont be satisfied until we reach your goals.

We have each got our own ways of fighting this fight our own methods to this madness.

I joined Weight Watchers.... You may cut carbs... she may count calories.... he may swim 50 laps a day, folks may play basketball .

There is no one right get there from here.

But I often ask myself this simple question...Am I really doing all I can to succeed?

If you can honestly say yes then God bless you....But I would guess you would be in the vast minority on this one....I know this is going to sound maybe crazy coming from a guy who has been touting his weight loss for the past 8 months but I am still not doing EVERYTHING I could be doing ....I need to be more serious about this if I am planning on finding the untimate success.

I need to shift it into high gear and start getting it done and I mean like today.

The real results aren’t going to happen for me until I buckle down even more . Until I go all in... get serious.

There is a lion on my right bicep area of my arm. Its a tattoo of course.....but some days that lion in my heart, and he’s roaring and pissed at the fat that I’ve added to myself over the years by being stupid and lazy. My being overweight roars at me everyday.

I yell at myself at times at the choices that allowed me to put my own health and future in jeopardy.

So I am going to start listening to this lion more ...he is roaring at me every day filling my spirit with determination and reminding me that this is my time. He is pushing me to run crazy with this weight loss thing and to jump at this AMAZING chance to reclaim my life.

This journey is not for the is for the strong-willed. I know I have what it takes to lose another 60 or 100 pounds......Why in the world would I not ?? title tonight was a suggestion from my great friend Clay...former youth and wonderful friend. Thanks bud for your continued support.