TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK ..............

Sleep is like the unicorn,-rumored to exist but I doubt I will ever see either.

It is almost 2am here in Alabama on July 5th, 2006. This time last year I was laying on a bunk bed in Rockville ,Maryland. I was just a few days into a 1o day mission trip to the Washington, D.C. and we had gotten back late at night on the 4th. Spending the 4th of July in DC was one of those things I had on my list of "Things to do" and last year I had the chance to do it. I will never forget the fireworks on The Mall. We also had a wonderful chance to actually march in the National Independence Dad Parade. Not only did we march we got to carry this HUGE GIGANTIC American flag.....and by huge I mean it was 70ftx40ft. Tonight I watched the fireworks on The Mall but this time I was sitting in my living room. What a difference a year makes.......
I cant sleep. For a few weeks after Daddy died I had trouble sleeping ....then things seemed to settle down ....now my pattern of not sleeping had returned with a vengence ....I lay in the bed at night and flip through the channels on television ....I might doze a little but I never really go to sleep until late late in the night ...usually around 3 or so .......I sit and think and think and think even more about things ....regrets..... things I wish to God I had done ...My faith is battered but it holds ....
I am also dreaming more ...well actually I am remembering my dreams more it seems ....some of the dreams are good ...some can only be described as nightmares.....I would pay real money for a weeks worth of good sleep....I know my friends are tired of hearing me talk about this stuff....so I try not to speak to much about it .....to them I am sorry !!!
Am I depressed? I dont know to be honest.....I keep telling myself that I need a real break of some kind....Ever since March I have been working without any kind of break....Dont get me wrong ...I do not have a hard job....My Brother has a hard job,Susanne has a hard job.....I love my job ...at this point in my life I really believe that it is where God has led me ...but I need a break of some kind.....I thought after Daddy died that I should get right back to things ...I had been off a week with his illness and then his death....so I thought the best plan of action was to jump right back into things....Its July now and I am tired ....I keep saying that I will take some time off but then I think that I need to get past the next big thing with my job ....Dinner Theater,Easter egg hunt, multiple youth sponsored Wednesday night suppers, Wonderful Wednesdays in June, mission trip.....VBS is next week and after that I have Youth Week to get ready for .....Maybe I am crazy but I dont want to take off a week just to come back into something else big to be planned or worked out ...I want to get most of everything behind me then I am leaving ...I WILL BE BACK ...but I am leaving for a bit ....I say this all the time but this time its going to happen ....I will be going to North Carolina in the early fall....October is the month...Asheville most likely ...but I am going and not just for a weekend but for several days....
Yall might be saying "Heck that is over three months away" but I get excited about North Carolina very easily and am already looking forward to being there ....
I need this .
I close with CS LEWIS
"Many things -such as loving, going to sleep or behaving unaffectedly, are done badly when we try our hardest to do them"