Tired......

I am tired . I get up every morning, get ready, go to work, work, go home or to a meeting or to a function related to my job, I get home take a shower ,read or watch television, then go to bed ...Notice I did not say I go to sleep....sleep usually comes a few hours later ...if it does come at all....I wish I could say that the events of the last 7 weeks play a large role in my not sleeping but they really dont ....they may have added a small bit of fuel to the fire....but for the most I have never slept very good ....so then I wake up and my day begins ....
I am human. A human who fears and dreams and worries and loves just as much as anyone else. I believe in God and I believe I am created in His image just like you. I have a family that I love and friends that are the rock of my life. I cuss . I am a Democrat always will be . I love good music. I pay bills. I worry about money. I read a lot. I dont dig hospitals. I dont like shaking hands . I dont like touching door handles. I am going to miss The West Wing. I have blue eyes . I can sing. I might never get married. There have been times in my life when i have struggled and there have been times when life just flowed by like a cool mountain river. I shop at Wal-Mart because its really the only place to shop. When did immigration law reform become "ALL MEXICANS MUST DIE" Does any of this sound familer? Probably.
Because on some level I am just like you. Of course there are stark differences but thats what makes us a great race of human beings. Sometimes being different equals out to hatred. Some people hate out of fear and ignorance. Part of me wants to be an activist and shout from the rooftops and part of me wants to hide in a cool comfort zone, be quiet and just blend. I am sure from day to day what part to listen to....both are pretty damn loud.
I will be 32 years old in 13 short days. Jeffrey, my brother turned 36 last Thursday. My Nana will turn 86 on Wednesday. In the last 5 months I have had major knee surgery and most likely my knee will never function the same ever again . My Dad died suddenly after a very brief illness and for all intents and purposes my Nana is gone also. In three months her mind has gone from pretty good to nonexistant. She had to go through losing her mobility, moving to a nursing home and losing her oldest child in the span of 5 days.
She asked us yesterday on three seperate times if He was going to get by to see her . I hate lying but I cannot tell her the truth on this matter. I just told her that he was not feeling good .
These things are hard . These things make me sick to my stomach. I have the best support group in the world in my friends .They have been with me to the very bottom. They have helped me more than ANY doctor ever could. Like I said I am tired.